Ever wished you'd stayed home the previous night and not partied till early dawn? Tongue all furred and leaving a bad taste in your mouth? Is your head pounding and the slightest sound goes through your brain like a crack of thunder? Muscles ache and it’s impossible to get comfy? Well fear no more as the festive season approaches because now there’s a cure for that bad old hangover - staying drunk!
Yes, remaining drunk throughout the Christmas period ensures you’ll be capable of going to all those parties and not miss one single night of fun! Here are a few benefits of staying plastered ...
Stagger from street-to-street, house-to-house, entering at will those parties you haven’t been invited to - nobody will guess you aren’t on the invite list as they’ll all be smashed too!
Trash cans aren’t just there for the rubbish, they’re for barfing in also! So wise-up and save on the dry cleaning bills!
Need a cheap ride somewhere? Hop on the nearest bus, reach into a trouser pocket full of small change and drop it on the floor, then take a seat. The driver has a schedule to keep and won’t worry about you, and besides the driver will be thinking he’s going to pocket some cash for himself - accept that you previously loaded that pocket with just under a dollar’s worth of change!
Want a free drink? Stagger into the busiest bar in town and take a good look at the tables, a good table will have unfinished drinks galore at Christmas time. It’s your freebie moment - enjoy! This goes for uneaten party food also, so dig in and save the bar staff the trouble of clearing up!
Yes Christmas time is your time, so be inventive and have yourself a ball. I hope you find these tips useful over the festive period.
Disclaimer
The author of this article has never personally used the above festive tips at any time in his [or her] past life, and never will in the future. Well, unless he [or she] goes broke during the present recession.
