American Fido

Do you have what it takes to be the next American Fido? Think of the fame and fortune. The following guidelines must be met in order to enter the competition.

1. You must be five years or younger.
2. You should look neat and trim.
3. You must be able to sustain good barks for at least two minutes.
4. You may be able to do tricks or play a musical instrument.
5. Growling is not allowed.
6. Biting is not allowed.
7. No mutts are allowed.
8. You may wear a poodle skirt.
9. Wearing a leash is optional.
10. No taking a leak in front of the audience.
11. You must not give a spotty performance unless you are a Dalmatian.
12. Punching is not allowed unless you are a Boxer.
13. You may not pause during your performance unless you have to go potty.
14. Tag wagging to gain votes is strictly prohibited.
15. No Cocker Spaniels allowed. They're just too cocky.
16. Do not bring your dog dish. All meals are provided by American Fido Inc.
17. Playing dead during the performance is also prohibited.
18. No giving a high five with your paw.