So we have all had our break-ups, and what really gets to us I think is the loneliness. But while your crying into your glass of merlot and throwing away the scrapbook that has Mrs. John Somebody written all over it, take a deep breather and look down at Fido who is staring up at you wondering what the hell your problem is... I'll bet that after a minute your going to realize that there are at least 10 good reasons why your dog is a better companion than the ex or maybe even after you take that minute the soon-to-be ex!
Fido Can't Talk Back Hooray
Sure he's a dog of course he can't talk! But boy can that puppy listen! Who needs a boyfriend when you can vent away at the world to Fido! You don't need to worry about him not agreeing with your opinion and you know he won't go blabbing to your best friend about how she's got to be the worst best friend ever! Oh yes Fido is truly a master at secret keeping.
Fido Doesn't Judge
Fido doe not care if that skirt is maybe just a little to short... or that maybe you should be doing a few more lunges at the gym... He also does not mind that you sneak cigarettes behind your hosts back at boring dinner parties! He love's you all the same!
Fido Doesn't Cheat
Fido shall be thout forever faithfull, so long as there is food in a bowl and an adequate supply of chew toys... And if you do have a little bitsy problem with straying there is nothing that an invisible electric fence or a few obedience classes can't solve... (now if we could just get that for men).....
Fido Will Never Show Naked Pictures of You To His Friends
Fido has no desire to see you naked thus there shall never be a drunk night where he talks you into taking a picture for him naky, and then runs to the bar the bar next day to show a couple guy friends how sexy his girlfriend is... jerk....
Fido Does Not Have Bastard Children In Another State That He "Forgot" To Mention
Fido only makes babies if you let him plain and simple! And should Fido have babies your gonna know about it! John Somebody though has a crazy ex girlfriend and no sense of honesty! Hhmmm now I understand where all your money goes!....idiot...
Fido Does What You Tell Him When You Tell Him
Fido's life mission is to "serve his master" when you say sit he sits, come here and he trots over, no don't do that and he stops! Got to love those 6 weeks of petco obedience class. There is really no selective hearing involved and the last thing that he wants is to be scolded so you know he's always good for what you tell him!
Fido Can Be A Drinking Buddy
So you come home from work and you've had one of the worst days of your life! You remember that you have a bottle of Chardonnay in the frig and you take it out. Fido does not care that you are half way through the bottle and only 20 minutes into the movie. He will not think you are an alcoholic oh no, he will sit there next to you with his head on your lap watching your lame movie and wondering when the popcorn comes because he wants some too!
Fido is An Exercise Partner
He has to be walked anyway right? So lets turn it into a jog and guess what? Fido does not mind that your sweating or the mascara that you forgot to take off is dripping down your eyes. You don't have to feel insecure that he is staring at you and thinking that your fat (when your not) like you do at the gym... Yup he is the best work out buddy ever! The faster the better the farther hoooray!
Fido Is Always Down To Snuggle
God forbid that your boyfriend let you snuggle with him more than once every other leap year! There's nothing that a quick whistle and a "come 'ere boy" can't solve! Nothing like a good episode of Sex and The City and a snuggle buddy! (Although a belly rub may be expected in return).
Fido Doesn't Do The Following...
Leave his clothes everywhere, accidently drown your fishes while cleaning the bowl, make you do the dishes and cook, snore (okay maybe Fido snores sometimes but he's cute about it), tell you that that dress makes your butt look big, eat all your favorite soy ice cream 20 minutes after you buy it which he supposedly doesn't even like, have his friends over and leave the beer bottles out for you to pick up the next day, tell your best friend while he's drunk that he wants to "watch her do yoga while she's naked", say that your mom is bitch (even though she is), go to a stripclub with buddies instead of a wedding where you don't know anyone, have phone sex with 1-800- Horny-Girls (but pretend that it was a long distance phone call to his mom instead, yeah okay buddy)... No Fido will not do any of these things and for number 10 alone this is why he is better than your boyfriend.
So here they are, 10 reasons why you don't really need a man so long as you have a good canine! There's nothing that a little black book and a charged telephone can't solve when your really lonely (if you know what I mean)... But for those of you moping because you broke up with your boyfriend recently sure take some time to grieve, but if you have a pup your all set and if you don't I suggest you invest in one ( German Shepards, or Boxers are especailly great and loyal companions).... Good Luck!
