I sometimes like to listen to old music, sung by the old masters like Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra. Usually I hear these singers in old movies on video. Of course, I happen to know someone who can out-sing all of them put together, and I don't even need to purchase concert tickets to enjoy it, or buy a video to see it. I am referring to my pet parakeet, a bird who either really loves music, or really hates it, one or the other. Whatever his motivation, he will attempt to out-sing anyone who is singing on the stereo or television. He is not particular as to artist, or type of music, nor does he care if it is recent vintage or something from the hits of yesteryear. He will drown out any and all with equal enthusiasm.
That bird can make more than just one type of chirp. In fact, he has quite a musical repertoire, with hits ranging from the chortle to the cooing dove. He seldom sings just one ballad, preferring instead to unleash whole symphonies, one tune right after another, until he either drowns out the competing music or drives the listener crazy, whichever happens first. Take away the music however, and the parakeet will be as quiet as a little church mouse. In other words, Whatever Bing can do, Pretty Bird can do better.
The same thing happens when someone sings in a movie as well. Put an old musical into the VCR and just wait for the tunes to start. I'm not referring to the tunes in the movie…I'm talking about the tunes coming out of the birdie. He will throw back his head and croon at the top of his lungs and the louder the volume of the movie, the louder the bird will sing. We have learned how to shut him up however. Just pick up the phone, call someone and tell them to listen while the bird sings sweetly for them. The silence in the house will be deafening.
This “talk to grandma” approach may work wonders for silencing the chatterbox bird, but what do you do about the bird that is of the friendly persuasion and insists upon being released from its cage on a regular basis in order to stand on your shoulder, head, hand, arm, or finger. Rest assured that the point of interest to the bird will be the spot that is most likely to get your attention. If you are talking on the telephone, the bird will be perched on your shoulder closest to the receiver. If you are typing something, he will be straddling two of your wiggling fingers, trying to keep his balance while simultaneously blocking your view of your computer screen, so you have no clue if you are placing your fingers on the correct keys or typing sixteen pages of very creative writing.
If you are cooking something he will be standing on your chest in order to be the closest available beak just in case you require a taste tester. Return him to his cage when he feels he should really be out there helping you, and you will receive ear piercing complaints that are guaranteed to serve as reminders of your terrible fault. Never, never under any circumstances get him out of his cage when you are putting a jigsaw puzzle together. He will help, whether you like it or not, usually by carefully removing the puzzle piece you just set into place, and thoughtfully chewing it into sawdust. Trust me, to a bird, this is help.
This same bird will develop a fondness for pretzels but only if one end of said pretzel happens to be held in your teeth. Birds have no lips so be prepared to clean up about a bucketful of crumbs from your clothing, the table, the floor, and half the surrounding county. Birds have no problem with eating out of a human mouth, just make sure you brush your teeth once in a while. Personal cleanliness is optional to the bird but it is highly recommended for you. After all, your pet bird probably has friends on the outside and he is telling them all about you. If you ever want to receive the coveted “bird owner of the year” award, you need to use some good oral hygiene.
Birds are not above using charm to get what they desire, so be prepared to get kisses galore, and cute, attentive behavior. This behavior always has a selfish purpose behind it, though you will most likely choose to believe that your pet bird is simply being loving when he kisses you on the lips, on the cheek and nibbles your earlobe until you fall over laughing. Despite what it looks like, the bird is not just being loving with you. You have something he wants, and he is determined to have it. Resist his charms and find out just how long the “love” continues. Birds are highly capable of temper tantrums, and you are about to see something called a “conniption”. Don't be alarmed as it will pass, just as soon as he gets his own way.
Birds love to chew on cords that run from the sides of cool electronic gizmos. Do not under any circumstances allow your bird to “amuse itself” while you are surfing the web or reading a book, or doing any of a number of other things that require your full attention. Birds left to their own devices will completely disable your favorite devices, simply by chewing through the power cords and connectors. A simple, “no” is usually enough to deter the bird away from the problem area, but it is expected of you to provide the bird with something from the “yes” list to chew on. I have a pet cockatiel that can differentiate between yes and no, and will stop chewing on the “no” object and will wait for me to provide a “yes” object, which he will gratefully turn to shreds before my very eyes. Do not provide the “yes” object at your own consternation, because your bird WILL chew on SOMETHING. It is always nicer if you are able to make the decision as to what.
There you have it, a not-so-complete guide to owning a pet bird. If there is still something you do not know about owning and caring for your bird, and there likely is, don't worry…he will patiently train you as you go along. Birds are like cats in that regard, but that, my dear reader, is an issue for another time. Now if you will excuse me, I have a birdcage to clean out, and my presence is being loudly demanded. It is good to feel wanted.
