INSTRUCTIONS:
To avoid further weight-gain of the household cats
Each family member is requested to complete
The date
And time
That Each cat is fed on the form taped to the refrigerator.
GUIDELINES:
Cats are to be fed twice daily. Should roster be already marked, do not feed cats.
Cats are not authorised to tamper with roster.
Family members are required to write in indelible ink to prevent cats erasing any pencil marks which may be made.
Cats are requested to enter kitchen only once, morning and evening, not whenever the cupboard door opens.
Any cat ignoring this rule is subject to firm guidance from toe of boot.
Any cat attempting to look unnaturally cute in order to gain favours from family members is no longer likely to benefit.
Cats may not feed themselves; nor may they feed each other; nor may they persuade the dog to surrender his food, claws or no claws.
Cats may not persuade elderly neighbours that they are malnourished strays by sucking in cheeks and stomachs.
As part of the low-cat diet, any rodents consumed between meals do not count towards daily calorific intake due to effort expended in catching them.
Cats will henceforth be locked outside at night until slim enough to fit through cat-flap once more.
