Though all specialists agree that both the elephant and the grape are highly superior entities, an agreement cannot be reached as to which is of higher quality. Numerous high-school debate teams and scientists who study elephants and grapes have disputed endlessly on this issue, but to no avail. It has come to the point in time in which many people are asking themselves whether this dilemma will ever be resolved.
An elephant and a grape are different at a time in which you would encounter them while involved in an everyday activity. For example, if you were to chance upon an elephant on the way to the store, it might let out an earsplitting bellow, try to snap at you with its tusks and trample you with its gargantuan feet. However, if you happen to come across a grape in the mall, it would most likely not be quite as aggressive, save for the chance that you attempt to consume it without using your teeth to cut it into minuscule portions. At this time the grape would almost certainly make an effort to clog your throat, as it would much rather be chewed first.
Furthermore, if you are seeking a presence to converse with, an elephant would hardly be the solution. It would in all probability only wallow in its own ego until its self-esteem grew as large as its own feet. A grape's personality might prove more diverse. You can discuss almost anything with a grape (excluding its peculiarly small size), and it will listen with such passion and enthusiasm that you will feel as if you are talking to yourself. In a situation judging personality, unless you would like to discuss a vastly unimportant matter like ketchup, it would be wise to stay out of the elephant's way and talk with the grape.
Ketchup is an interesting substance. While its high viscosity makes it a grueling task to drive it out of the bottle, it tastes good with virtually everything, apart from the elephant. A certain protein unique to elephant meat (which I can not recall at the moment), when mixed with ketchup, forms a new substance (which coincidently I cannot recall either) that reeks of cardboard bathed in dirty socks. However, a grape eaten with ketchup has a brilliant tang. Furthermore, an elephant would be difficult to pick up with a fork in order to immerse it into the ketchup. It would most likely emit blood and the weight that it is, would be difficult to lift off the plate. On the other hand, a grape would only emit the absorbed ketchup and you would hardly break a sweat to pick it up off the plate. You would merely taste the sweet juices of the grape dunked in ketchup, juice being my next purpose.
Grape juice is better than elephant juice in many ways. First of all, it is much easier to make grape juice. Making grape juice involves only one boy stepping on a pile of grapes with his bare feet. An elephant however would not be as easy. You would need about forty grown men stepping on one elephant in order to extract the juices. It would prove an almost-impossible and worthless task to collect forty grown men in order to extract the juices from only one elephant.
Additionally, the taste of elephant juice is awful. It tastes like juice extracted from an elephant. In contrast, grape juice tastes like it always has, fantastic.
So I conclude, the grape is of much higher quality than the elephant, usually because of the size. When scientists perfect genetics and make elephants the size of grapes, then I will be forced to restate my opinion. Until then, my decision stands. The grape is better than the elephant.
