I have three cats, and they are the pick of the litter as far as fuzzy comedians are concerned. Although Robin Williams might claim that prize on the sly, we all know it truly belongs to the animal kingdom. One of my cats hates taking medicine to the point where he will run and hide whenever he hears the word, "med'cine." (Cats prefer baby talk, you know; it makes them feel superior to us.) Yet, another of the cats will come galloping at the same word, tongue already flapping to catch every last drop of medicine. One cat has to practically be anesthetized in order to give him medicine and the other has to be tied up to prevent him from downing the whole bottle. They are as different as night and day, yet both know who the boss of the household is.
My cats love catnip and all you have to do is bring in a swatch of it, hold it up in the air and yell, "I've got some...." You will never get as far as the word, "nippy" because the cats have already knocked you flat, peeled the catnip from your fist and are busily rolling in it, already feeling that fabulous catnip "high". They will eat that nip right down to the stems and then they will eat the stems too for good measure. I have always wondered if cat nip would grow in the house. Of course, now that I think of it, I know that it won't. It would remain in the dirt for approximately sixteen seconds and then it would become cat food.
There is not a single houseplant in our home that has not been taste tested. The ones that pass muster are the plants whose leaves are shredded, torn or missing altogether. These plants must be monitored day and night with a high-tech security system in order for them to survive. Actually the security system poops out at about ten o'clock at night, when mom goes to bed. After that, the plant only survives at the cat's whim. As a result, only the nasty tasting plants ever last to old age in this house. Actually, what we really need is a plant that smells like your average stink bug. Cats don't seem to like the smell of those and if they touch one they will wash that paw for hours. Then they will lick your hand.
Cats love to eat bugs, almost any bugs. They don't like bees and wasps too much because they tend to defend themselves, but they love flies. I once caught one of my cats sitting on the carpet, rapturously chewing and chewing and chewing and chewing....on something that I could not even see. Finally, when curiosity got the better of me, I took a closer look and discovered that the cat was trying to eat a gnat. That cat could not even feel that bug on her tongue but she was determined to eat it. I don't know if the gnat finally flew away or if she swallowed it whole, but I do know she never took a bite out of it.
Cats love the sound of things falling. Give them a pen holder full of ink pens and time alone on a counter-top or table, (strictly the no-cat zone but try telling that to a cat) and they will have every writing implement in the house rolling across the kitchen floor in ten seconds flat. The other day I went out for a while and when I came back one of the cats was sitting very calmly on the kitchen counter, giving me a look that clearly stated, "hold on a sec. will you? Go back out for a minute and give me some time to finish up here." The ink pens were still in place and I do believe the cat was annoyed when I made him get down. He gave me a dirty look over his shoulder as he sauntered away, as if to say, "Hmmph. See if I ever let you complete a project again." No worries there. He hasn't yet.
My cats will watch movies with us sometimes. They love cowbow movies because they have horses in them. I don't know what the cats love about horses, but they will sit quite still and stare at that screen as if totally absorbed when horses are present. They are probably hoping that the horses will throw their riders, as no cat can understand the concept of a subservient animal. Then there are other times when the cats will let me hold one of them during a movie and then do everything possible to tear my attention away from the film. I took a glance away from the television screen once, and found a cross-eyed furry face just centimeters from my own. A kiss on the nose and he would have had me come movie or high water.
I have one cat who will chase his own tail like a dog, but only when balanced on the back of a chair or someplace equally dangerous. While safe and secure with all four paws on the floor, he has no interest in chasing his tail for twenty minutes straight. He likes extreme sports, thank you very much. There just isn't any fun in doing it if there is no danger involved. Yet, the same cat will have a coronary if you happen to touch his tail while he is engrossed in something disgusting, such as a several days dead bug or spider that he has found on the floor. His tail will poof up like some giant hair ball and you will recieve a wilting look of small cat menace that is designed to intimidate the snot out of you.
I have a cat who loves to knock people over. Literally. He will actually wait for someone to walk by unsuspectingly, and then he will dash across the floor right beneath that person's feet at approximately the speed of light. You will never see him coming but you will hear the crash as you fall into the furniture. The bigger the victim, the louder the crash. Cats hate loud noises unless they cause them themselves. He doesn't care if he gets stepped on, it offends him little if you fall on top of him. He figures it's all worth it if he can drop you like a dead horse. Hey, there's an idea. The horses in those cowboy movies always fall down a lot. Perhaps there is something perversely exciting in this to a cat.
Yes, cats are natural comedians, and they love nothing better than to have your complete and undivided attention while they are doing it. Go away for the day, and your cat will curl up into a ball in a secluded spot and sleep until you return. Then he will joyously knock you flat when you walk in the door, and since he is well-rested, you will have no trouble knowing where he is....he's in orbit.
