I Hate Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes are nasty insects. They strike at you without warning and cause you much misery. The itching and scratching is intense. I hate mosquitoes as much as…

1. Going to see the doctor for a rectal examination
2. Having to take two teaspoons of the worst medicine on the face of the Earth
3. Getting a serious heat rash all over my body
4. Breaking out with a dozen pimples all descending upon my nose
5. Being given an examination with all essay questions and only thirty minutes to complete the test
6. Having a blind date with a girl who believes that nagging is an honorable profession
7. Eating a baloney sandwich on stale bread that looks more green than brown
8. Watching four hours of the Teletubbies followed by two hours of Barney and Friends
9. Being caught riding my bike in the middle of a thunderstorm
10. Paying $4.00 per gallon of gasoline and knowing that the skies the limit when it comes to gas prices.
11. Listening to President George Bush telling the American people how well things are going in Iraq
12. Listening to Senator John McCain explain for the umpteenth time how he is different than President George Bush when we know that isn't true
13. Being stuck in a room with Senator Joe Lieberman as he explains why he is part of the Democratic caucus and yet supports Senator McCain
14. Being placed in a pit with a dozen poisonous snakes. (I'll take the mosquitoes over this choice any day)
15. Attending a lecture from a professor that yawns at his own presentation. (Boredom is contagious)
16. Watching a person pick his nose or make nasty sounds emanating from his butt
17. Going to the bathroom and discovering that we are out of toilet paper
18. Finding a fly in my soup after I have eaten most of the soup
19. Wearing clothes that were passed down from my grandfather
20. Being told that this was house-cleaning day, and that I would be responsible for cleaning the entire house from the basement to the second floor