Querrian: Hello everybody. I am here today with the ever mysterious Loch Ness Monster. Thank you for being my guest today.
Nessie: Sure. Although I'm not sure why so many people refer to me as a monster. I mean, what have I ever done to have people think I am a monster? I usually keep to myself, you know, not bothering anybody. I've never terrorized anyone. I don't think that would classify me as a monster.
Querrian: Well, I certainly didn't -
Nessie: And I know you were just addressing me with the common and most popular name given me. And that's ok. I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm complaining or anything.
Querrian: No. Of course not.
Nessie: I mean, after all. I am very grateful to be on your program.
Querrian: We're glad to have you.
Nessie: Of course I don't do many personal appearances. I tend to keep to myself a lot. I thought about turning this down, you know. But after hearing it was WeeBe Querrian, well you know, I had to do it for you.
Querrian: And I thank you.
Nessie: And of course all the networks are going to be screaming to get me on now. I'm going to have to turn them all down. I just like to keep to myself. They would probably bill me as The Loch Ness Monster too. But that's ok. It's not like it bothers me or anything.
Querrian: It doesn't?
Nessie: I mean, after all, that was the name they wanted to give me. Even though I've done nothing to indicate I was a monster. I am not a monster.
Querrian: I think they call that the Frankenstein Complex.
Nessie: I mean, you can call me Nessie. That's a more appropriate name. It doesn't indicate I am a monster or anything.
Querrian: And it's not like you're going to eat me or anything, right?
Nessie: Well, I'm a vegetarian. Loch Ness has plenty of fine vegetation for my diet. It's just as well, too, for me to try and keep my figure. I'm not that active, you know. I usually keep under water and to myself a lot. I don't dine out often, although there have been times when I would crave a certain leaf. Just like any creature would, I guess. But then again, I do have to watch what I eat. It all goes straight to my hips and then it gets tough to move about. I'm doing ok now, though. My weight is fine. I don't feel fat. Do I look fat?
Querrian: No. Not at all. You fill that chair rather nicely.
Nessie: After all, a creature my size needs to be careful about weight gain. Not that I'm overly concerned about weight gain. A creature my size, it's only natural that I have some fat to me to protect me from the cold waters. I mean, that helps and all.
Querrian: So let me get a question in here. How about that?
Nessie: Well, I thought that's why you invited me here today. You can ask me a question. I mean, it's great that you've invited me to be on your show. WeeBe Querrian. Wow. It's like I am a big star now. But that's really not what I'm looking for. Only for you, I am here, WeeBe. I'd love to talk to you about anything you want.
Querrian: Ok. So, we all know about that famous picture -
Nessie: Oh yes. That famous picture. I was curious to see if that would come up today. It's what everyone talks about. The picture. You know, that's not really me.
Querrian: No?
Nessie: Well, as you can see, I am a bit taller than what appears in the photograph. It was a good attempt, though. You would have to say. I'm just not sure why they billed it as a monster. Although, I'd have to admit that I am a bit camera shy. I mean, I probably wouldn't take a good picture anyway. And I am always conscious about my figure. Oh, I don't know. Just no pictures for now. That's all.
Querrian: Ok.
Nessie: And it isn't like I mind when someone wants to snap a photo of me. I don't know. It's just that I'd rather keep to myself. I don't understand the big attraction, anyhow. I mean, look at me. Am I anything to look at? I think Big Foot is a better creature if you wanted to see something like that.
Querrian: I tried to get him on but he wouldn't return my calls.
