Did you know that gorillas and humans share 98% of the same DNA? No wonder whenever I visit the gorilla exhibit at the zoo I have this déjà vu feeling that I have met
each gorilla somewhere before. You know exactly the kind of humans I am talking about. They are usually middle-aged men and very hairy. They have a pick-up line for every event in every situation. Whether it is at a bar or a friend's wedding they are sure to hit on every female in the vicinity.
Here are a few of my favorite gorilla pick-up lines:
“Hey baby if I tell you are hot will you hold yourself against me?”
“I am willing to share my banana with you.”
“What's a great looking gorilla like you, doing in a jungle like this?”
“I am like chocolate pudding in that I look really bad, but I am oh so delicious.”
“Hey baby have you heard about the new McDonald's burger? It is named “McHot” after you.”
“I believe that “mate” has brought us together.”
“If looks could kill, you'd be a nuclear bomb in this jungle.”
“I think we'd make beautiful babies together.”
“I like to be spanked.”
“Dominant me.”
“Don't put me endanger of losing you.”
“Gorillas as fine as you are extinct.”
“I am like a public library; feel free to check out what you see at no charge.”
“Want to play my organ?”
“Forget milk; got me?”
“Let's change up the alphabet and put the letters “U” and “I” together.”
“You make me want to beat my chest, like Tarzan.”
“You make me stand erect in so many ways.”
“Let's play a gorilla wrestling game.”
“I may weigh 500 pounds, but my heart is as light as a feather around you.”
“I can eat up to 50 pounds in a day, so satisfy my appetite.”
“No tree is too tall to keep us apart.”
“I want to groom you.”
“You make me want to growl and hoot.”
“Gorilla poaching is a crime; wanna see the stiff penalties?”
“Make me a gorilla you just kissed.”
“Your humidity in this forest is liquefying.”
“I'd love nothing more than stomping through the forest, beating my chest and drag you by the hair behind me.”
“Everything I learned about romance, I learned from Tarzan.”
“Your body is a wonderland and you can call me John Mayer.”
“What's a great piece of gorilla like you hanging around a jungle like this?”
“I'm like your bodyguard, so don't go anywhere without me.”
“You are so hot; you are burning down this jungle.”
“I am an artist; will you be my greatest masterpiece?”
Everything I ever needed to know, I learned from looking into your eyes.”
“Hey baby, we are mate to be together.”
“You alone are worth a fortune, but with me you are priceless.”
“Let's pretend we are rolling stones and gather some moss.”
“You may think that anything too good to be true isn't and I want to prove you wrong.”
“Copy, paste and reproduce me anytime.”
“Wanna have text?”
“Come on over and let me show you my banana.”
“Rainforests were named after you because you left so many gorillas crying in the mist when you turned them down.”
“I may look like a gorilla baby, but I am really a puppy dog.”
