If you think that having a kitty is different than having a child, well, you might be surprised at what you find yourself saying every day;
"Stop running in the house!"
"Get your feet off the table!"
"What? You suddenly don't like chicken?"
"Could you please let me do the laundry in peace!"
"You're still hungry?"
"Okay...who spilled the milk?"
"You know...if you just ignored her, she'd stop doing it."
My husband listens to my ramblings several times each day with just a shake of his head at the patheticness of it all. "You don't really think that they're listening to you, do you?"
"Not really...but I think they understand a lot more than what they're trying to make me believe!"
"Well, if they ever answer you, let me know. Either we're going to be rich or I have to make arrangements to put you into a loony ward."
The other day both little hooligans would not take "no" for an answer, and repeatedly tried to go out the back door while I was trying to bring the groceries in. So, in exasperation, I finally grabbed the broom, and...found myself suddenly alone while listening to the sound of little feet retreating into the living room. "Yeah...they don't know what they're doing...right!" I muttered.
"You know," I said to my husband that night, Noodleman and SpiceGirl really do know when they're 'pushing the envelope' with me."
"Yeah...well, keep it in mind that if you think they're smart enough to know how to push your buttons, then they're also smart enough to get revenge on you for trying to sweep them out of the way with that broom!"
The next morning I was in the bathroom getting dressed when suddenly I felt a sting on my foot and looked down to see a little furry white arm disappearing from under the door.
"SpiceGirl, you little brat, stop trying to get my foot!", I laughed. No sooner had the words been said than the little white arm was back, trying to get my foot again.
"Listen, little girl, I can't play right now because I have to get dressed. Go find Noodleman!"
I turned away and started dressing when, suddenly, I accidentally dropped some underwear onto the floor. Before I could reach for it, though, that little white arm was back, hooked the clothing with one swipe, and PULLED IT UNDER THE DOOR!
"SpiceGirl, give that back!!", I exclaimed while reaching for my robe. Yeah, right. Like she's going to suddenly listen to me!
I flung open the bathroom door and knew that only an idiot would be expecting to see a little white cat still sitting outside it. I crossed through the kitchen and into the living room where my husband was sitting, watching tv. He looked up at me. "Did you lose something, Dear?", he smirked.
"SpiceGirl stole my underwear! Did you happen to see where she went?"
"Well, she just streaked by me a second ago, but it didn't look like she had any socks in her mouth!"
"She didn't steal anything that one wears south of the bellybutton!"
My husband smiled and said, "I know."
"Did you see where she went?
"Yup...she's under the bed."
I went into the bedroom, knelt by the side of the bed, and peered underneath. There SpiceGirl sat, looking all pleased with herself...and too far away for me to simply reach out to claim what was rightfully mine.
After trying to coax her to me in a gentle sweet voice, and watching her play with my clothing while ignoring me, I finally became exasperated with the whole situation, and called out to my husband, "Honey...she won't come out from under the bed, and at this rate, I'm never getting to the store!"
No answer.
Suddenly SpiceGirl stopped rolling around on my clothes, pricked her ears up, and then dashed out from under the bed while leaving my underwear behind!
Quickly, I stretched out flat on my stomach and, using the end of a backscratcher, snagged the clothing!
After I stood up victoriously, I walked into the kitchen only to find SpiceGirl and Noodleman eating some canned cat food while Mike just stood there with a knowing smile on his face and a can opener in his hand.
"It works every time, you know." Mike said. "You just have to be smarter than them!"
Bowing to my husband's momentary supremacy, I gave him a long hug. "Thank you, Honey. You're the best!"
"Well, she's probably trying to get even for the broom incident yesterday. Ah...Baby...I think it's going to take longer than you thought to get dressed..."
Turning quickly, I saw that both cats had finished their treat, and only Noodleman was still in the kitchen.
SpiceGirl was trotting rapidly towards the bedroom with a triumphant look on her face.
And one of my socks in her mouth!
