Why do so many cat owners think that "mouse flavored" cat food is a good idea? No, this product is not real, at least not where I live. Mouse probably tastes just like Chicken anyhow, I mean does not every thing taste like chicken? Here is my basic problem with the idea of mouse flavored cat food. One word. "Flavored". I don't even like to see "chicken flavored" cat food. I want to see a cat food that says "Chicken", not "flavored".
Where would mouse flavoring come from? How will we distill the flavor out of tiny little rodents?
Okay so lets forget making mouse "flavored" cat food, and stick to making the real thing. If we are actually going to make kitty food out of real mice, we will need a heck of a lot of mice, good thing they are prolific breeders. Imagine rows and rows of mice in cages breeding to make more mice who could be used in cat food. We would have to destroy entire cities to cage all the mice. Of course we would save on space in that the slaughter yard would be tiny.
Now we need staff for the mouse slaughter house. I wonder how we should kill the mice who are going to be used for food? A bullet to the head will shatter the whole critter and who will get to scrape the cat food off the wall. Can you imagine being the guy who has to remove the fur and shave the meat off of the little mice bodies? Not a job I would want. I think I will work in the marketing department, or even taste testing.
What next, sparrow flavored cat food? My cats like to go after flies in the summer, shall we introduce fly flavored too? That would be one insanely fun factory to work in, plucking wings off of flies so the body part can be rendered into food. What about the pets who enjoy licking sweat off their owners? Do we cater to them with delicate sweat flavored pet treats?
Okay so now it is time to expand our company... we must tap into other markets.
Announcing Vegetarian Cat Food
If it's good enough for people, it's good enough for your feline friend. Yes folks, why feed your carnivore meat, when you can feed it carrots and broccoli? Heck, many cat foods already dish up a large portion of corn as a cheap filler. So the next logical step is strict vegetarian cat food, soon to be followed by vegan cat food. Soon to be followed by sustaining your pet on nothing more than eating air.
I can picture my furry friends mewing loudly as I open a delicious can of mushy peas. Yum! On one hand people will no longer only complain about neighbourhood cats going to the bathroom in their begonias, additionally they will be irate as the cats devour them!
If carnivores, like cats, are forced to become vegetarians, what should we force on the omnivores? Should we ask that they resort to eating dirt only? Heck ya, most people shun at eating bugs, (another logical alternative - expect that bugs are meat) so the next best thing is pure dirt. Not the dirt the cats used for their bathroom duties though, although that would be okay since now their feces do not contain any meat.
Which Brings us to Tofu Mice
Vacuum packed, ready for your fridge or feline, mouse flavored of course. We can even pre-shape these delicacies to resemble actual mice so your cat will not know the difference. Texture can be added to simulate real bones and fur. Buy 10 and get a free wind-up toy to put the tofu mouse into, to simulate an actual cat and mouse chase. As the market grows we plan to introduce pre-shaped chicken and pre-shaped fish, complete with feathers, or scales. Like all cat food, be sure to keep it away from your dog, after all, it is well known that soy is a common allergen for dogs, and can cause behavioral issues. Not to worry though, we are planning a line of dog food based on hemp, so far there have been no side effects, and they are safe for people, heck I have nibbled a few biscuits myself.
