The bunny is a most undervalued resource in modern life. I have tried to address this situation with this small list and hope I can inspire you to look at the humble Bunny and a whole new way.
A Hat. You really need a good sized Bunny for this. It is also a help if you can find one with big floppy ears and plenty of fur. Fortunately Bunnies come in a variety of colours so this fashion accessory can combine well with a power suite for office wear as well as making a bold statement when heading out to a club at night. It is important that the bunny's ears are long enough for you to comfortable tie them beneath your chin. This also negates the need for ear mufflers for those really cold mornings while standing for a bus.
A Wig. Again, the variety of colours offered by the modern bunny is a real benefit for the follicly challenged person about town. First take time to match the bunny to your natural colour and texture, taking care when placing it upon your head so that it matches a style currently in vogue. It's worth noting that as the bunny will be in place for some time it is important it has a good supply of food, particularly if you are planning to attend a restaurant or eatery, as a hungry bunny may just end up in a fellow diners salad or vegetable soup exposing your baldness for the shame that it is. Your should attach the bunny food to the scalp using only a food based glue. Never, never use the netting so popular among the balding Jazz community of the nineteen forties, bunnies need to dig through this and the contortions of pain displayed on your face can put even close friends off their asparagus. It is also worth noting that female bunnies make a better fit as males tend to give the impression that your head keeps growing bigger and smaller as the evening progresses. Also, the mess on your head at the end of the day really is very difficult to shift and as for the smell… well that doesn't warrant mentioning in polite company.
Slippers. A pair of Bunnies are needed for this as well as a large tube of KY-Jelly (Other lubricants can also be used, though I wouldn't recommend butter; the bunnies tend to keep licking it and this can be ticklish). Again female bunnies are better for this purpose although a gay male bunny will suffice if you are prepared to put in the research before hand.
Toe Nail clippers. This can take a bit of practice to get right as bunnies, despite their size, have rather surprising large teeth and very poor dental hygiene. It is important to keep the bunny in question hungry… but not too hungry. Place the bunny close to one of your toes (I recommend your big toe as a place to start as if it all goes terrible wrong the damage can be limited and for god sake hold on tight.) Gently ease the bunny toward the offending nail. If the bunny starts gnashing its teeth in an uncontrolled fashion, churning up the carpet and trashing about like a demented tiger shark it's safe to assume the bunny is perhaps a little under fed. A small offering of little carrot is recommended before proceeding again but for God sake remember, don't let go. Good luck.
A Toilet brush. This is quite an obvious use for a bunny as their fur is really quite absorbent and a bunny is by its very nature a self cleaning product. I would however suggest leaving the bunny outside for the self cleaning process to run its course as a typhoid house is rarely a hit on the social circuit.
An office desk novelty. Bunnies really do make for an unusual office desk novelty and can offer hours of enjoyment for the over stressed office worker. For this use you need a long haired bunny. Males are better as they seem to enjoy the experience almost as much as you do. First, using four pads of double sided sticky Velcro attach the bunnies feet to the desk, making sure that the bunnies bottom is positioned so that it hangs over the edge of the desk and taking care to position your office trash box directly underneath (the reason for this will become apparent very quickly). Next attach a set of electrodes to the bunny's testicles and connect to an alternating current. Then just sit back and be entertained. A warning: do not touch the bunny's undulating coat, which will by now be undulating like corn in a strong breeze, unless you also have a trash receptacle under your own bottom too.
A Frisbee. Bunnies make for a very interesting game of Frisbee. Their natural lack of an aerodynamic body means that they do not fly in a direct line (unless thrown very hard indeed) Add to this their well documented fear of flying and you have one very angry and freaked out bunny. While throwing your bunny may at first seem like a difficult task to master it compares nothing to the task of trying to catch one. Thick gloves are recommend for beginners.
A Guard Bunny. A guard bunny will outperform a guard dog in almost every way possible. First however the bunny must be diligently trained. To train a guard bunny you must first deny it food for long periods of time. Then a course of well targeted personal attacks must ensue. The best method for this is to slag the bunny repeated about the size of its ears (bunnies are very sensitive about their ears and will quickly fall into a spiral of self loathing and shame) At this stage the bunny must be left for a period of quiet reflection so that it can stew (Not literally) in its own misery. You now have a fully trained Guard Bunny. A Guard Bunny has many distinctive advantages over a guard dog. Here are just a couple. A Guard bunny is ferocious and will not stop its attack until the intruder is incapacitated or is driven off screaming for his life. It can hide and spring surprise attacks. It does not look threatening (accept for the foaming mouth) and will lure your intruder into a false sense of security, maybe even causing the intruder to bend down and attempt to rub the bunny, a fatal mistake. A favoured target of the Guard bunny is the throat although considering its size the crotch is the most commonly attacked area (unless a stairwell or other high advantage point is in close vicinity) And it cannot be lured away win a bouncy ball, any attempt to do so only aggravating the bunny even further.
