Game bird swap meets are interesting because they have a lot of critters for sale and swap. What is even more interesting about game bird swap meets is the fact that when you go to one you will seldom see any game birds. Oh sure, you'll see birds; chickens, ducks, geese, quail, pheasants, partridges, doves, pigeons, and finches. With a few rare exceptions, none of them will actually be game birds. A rough translation of "gamebird" is a bird that is hunted by man. Game birds are wild and such a critter rarely exists beyond the old fashioned Ring Neck Pheasant, which is by nature a wild bird. At a game bird swap meet however, the only true wildlife you will spot, are the increasingly common Red necked Hillbilly Twig Wittlers.
These are the guys who wear long hair pulled back into pony tails and cowboy hats, with checked shirts and dusty jeans. They are the experts of everything animal, including the fuzzy, yellow caterpillar that is currently trundling its way up your leg. You will be dancing around in circles looking for all the world like a native American doing a ritual jig, trying to reach up your pantleg with one hand to extricate the little beastie, and one of these expert guys will take one look at you and quickly assess the situation, thusly:
"Yuppers, you got onea them fuzzy bad boys on yore leg. Jus' stand still and wait. He'll come out "ventually." Meanwhile, the caterpillar is busily spinning a cocoon on your kneecap.
If you wish to purchase say, a goose for example, at a swap meet you will find many different varieties of said goose. There is the Toulouse, the Gray Goose, (often mis-identified as a Toulouse) the White Chinese, the Brown Chinese, the African Goose, the Sebastapol Goose, the Emden Goose, the Pilgrim, and a variety of others. The Twig Wittlers will have no clue what you are talking about when you ask what kind of goose they are selling. "Um, it"s a goose." He will tell you. You are staring at a long-necked bird with a honk for a tweet and are already suspecting that it is a goose. Don't waste your time asking him if it is male or female. The Twig-Wittler will have no idea what a gander is.
He will be absolutely certain of one thing, however. His goose is the best one that ever lived, pure bred and worth a fortune. This is the "golden goose" that outshines all other geese at the show. When you look closely at this poor bird it will be covered in mud, have a broken wing that sticks out away from its body, a sinus infection that makes its face swell up on one side, and a $20.00 price tag. You will shake your head and walk away with the Wittler calling out after you; "hey, buy my goose and I'll throw in the cage for free!"
You will be tempted to toss out the goose and take the free cage, but don't bother, because the Twig Wittler will follow you back to your car with pamphlets and he will not let you make your getaway until you have signed your life away to some unidentified bird farm in the Carribean.
You will find many other types of farm life at a game bird swap meet as well. Usually miniature varieties of cows, horses, pigs, sheep, and goats. You will also find exotic animals such as camels, and emus. These creatures are supposedly for sale, though nobody ever buys any of them, probably because they are worth thousands of dollars. They are there for show, to draw the crowds. Also, the Wittlers will be hoping that the camel will spit on you if you do not buy enough stuff. Stuff is for sale at these meets too. Watering dishes, food dishes, leg bands, ear tags, medicine droppers, syringes, and of course, the ever present bag balm, a salve that heals very fast and was not designed for human use. It is used almost exclusively by humans.
The game birds, meanwhile, are out there in the woods chuckling their heads off, watching us idiots buying and selling their domestic brethren, plus that flock of Canadian geese that flies over in V formation while you are standing and staring at a penned up Canadian Honker, are not honking random honks. They are laughing because that honker you are staring at is not a wild goose and never has been. It was hatched either in an incubator or under a really myopic chicken who can't tell the difference between its own egg and that huge orb that it sat on for so many weeks. The chicken will remain clueless even when its chick towers over it by two feet. The twig wittlers will never get a clue either.
All in all however, the game bird swap meets are a lot of fun, if you can tolerate driving on the freeway for hours, crammed into a small car with five people and four pet carriers. It's fun if you like peering into small, dark cages and wondering what that is in there with the four inch fangs and the glowing eyeballs. It's ecstasy if you enjoy visiting a communal outhouse. (You will put it off as long as humanly possible) But the biggest thrill of all is when an old man gets out a microphone attached to a loud speaker and proceeds to compete with the warbling goats and cackling hens. You will have no idea what any of them are saying, but you will guess that it is some kind of communication.
Everyone should experience at least one game bird swap meet, if for no other reason than to forever finally comprehend the phrase, "flew the coop" because that is exactly what you will be anxious to do after two hours with the pseudo-wildlife. Take it from one who knows....the twig wittlers are out there, and do they ever have a deal for you!
