If you have a computer, chances are you've used Facebook. If you've got at least one friend in the world, chances are you've interacted with them on Facebook in the last five minutes. And if you have a big gaping hole where your life should be, chances are Facebook is staring back at you from it.
Ah, where to begin with that marvel of technology? This was the social networking site that was supposed to be, like, the grownup's answer to Myspace. Instead we were left not only with a site which has caused millions of people to believe that their network of friends care what they just ate for lunch, but also millions of people who actually do.
It's addictive. It's scary. And it's growing. Here are five reasons why it must be stopped.
I really don't want to add your stupid application or join your stupid group, but thanks anyway
Like the river of crap which is the internet itself, so too does crap flow on Facebook. Instead of offers for certain erectile disorder medications, we have "requests". Whether it's a request to add an application, join a group or make a friend, I can't log into Facebook without having a gazillion of them. At first, I thought it was cute. A friend would send a request asking me to send the Poke application. Then the SuperPoke application. Then the XPoke application. They would send me a "naughty gift", only I had to...you guessed it: add the Naughty Gift application. Before I knew it, I was being asked to join a group to save the endangered spotted lemur. Enough already. Whatever happened to good, old fashioned email?You know my cousin? Far out! But I still don't want to be your friend
The ability to form a network of friends is the cornerstone to Facebook's popularity. When you join, the very first thing you do is find your friends, and send them a friendship request. Once confirmed, you two are officially Facebook friends. Now you're part of a greater online network, and all is well. Suddenly, it gets weird. If you're a guy, your buddy's new girlfriend, whom you've yet to meet, wants to be friends. If you're a girl, it's some inmate of a minimum-security institution who can't wait to find and meet you when he gets paroled tomorrow. It's a sad fact that if you're a Facebook user, you've had inappropriate friendship requests. If I don't know you in the real world, and you're not a supermodel, I don't want to be your friend. Period.Way too much information
Facebook employs what it calls a "news feed" to keep users abreast of what their friends are doing. This is constantly changing and allows you to know exactly what every one of your friends is doing. My friend Bill, for instance, is taking a nap right now. This activity apparently also runs concurrent with the fact that Bill is now a member of the group " Funny 49ers". My friend Lisa, meanwhile, is lamenting that her infant son won't go to sleep, and seems to be dealing with it by adding the "boozemail" application. Folks, this stuff isn't news. It's the intellectual equivalent of junk mail.Big brother is watching
This brings us to the second unpleasant reality about Facebook's news feed: everybody knows what I'm doing. Despite my best efforts, everyone of my friends will know what I ate for breakfast if I so choose to announce it (I won't, trust me). And while this level of information dissemination can in fact be controlled, there is a much more sinister and nefarious undercurrent to it. Privacy advocates have been wary of Facebook from the beginning. Sure, that cute yet horribly annoying application you just begged your friends to add may look like fun and games. In reality, it works by opening a link to your personal information. You might want to think about that next time you post your home address on the site.I keep trying to leave, but they keep pulling me back in
Despite all my Facebook rantings and ravings, I just can't stop using it. While I'm getting supremely tired of it, all my friends seem to be going strong. If understand that I'm free to quit anytime, but what about my friends? Will they answer their regular emails...or their phones, for that matter? I'm not so sure. No, all my friends expect to be contacted on Facebook, and that's the way it will have to stay for the foreseeable future. I guess I'm stuck. (With apologies to the endangered spotted lemur.)
