image source
My beloved computer nerd boyfriend tells me about IRC; Internet Relay Chat. He tells me how to set up an account and then leaves me to it.
Shortsightedly I wander around cyberspace feeling lost and a bit lonely. Someone has labeled me "anonymous43" and I feel nameless, faceless and confused.
I find a channel called "beginners". Aha! Water wings! I'm sure someone in there can help me out!
My tentative “Hello?” elicits no response. I feel like I've stumbled blind-folded into someone's birthday party, and the other guests are snickering quietly at me as I lurch around like an idiot.
A link appears in the beginners' channel, so I follow it.
On the page that comes up, the first thing it tells me is that following links in IRC is the equivalent of taking candy from strangers. Oh! Darn.
It also tells me a lot of other uselessly helpful information. I sieve through it determinedly, hoping to find a section on “How to begin” (I'm used to Microsoft coddling me.)
Finding nothing of use; I return to the beginners' channel feeling naïve and even more confused. I decide to give it one last shot.
Carefully I type, “Anyone willing to help me out? Not sure what I'm doing.”
No response.
Sighing, I decide to make my mark and leave. I write, “I'm too blonde for this…”
Suddenly a line of text appears below mine. I feel elated, as though I've made contact with life on another planet.
Leaning in, I squint at the screen and read, “Are you a hot blonde?”
Mortified, I log out quickly and return to the comforting simplicity of Gtalk. My boyfriend sends me a message asking how it went, and after a good long laugh at my expense, sends me a nice smiley and a kiss.
Sometimes, it's good life experience to venture forth into unexplored waters. But if I ever try IRC again, I'm going in armed; with some water wings, my boyfriend and an enlightened sense of geek humor…
