What is it about instant communication that makes everyone want to instantly communicate with you all at once? Some people think it is cool to have a lot of friends listed in their instant messenger address book, but the problem with that kind of popularity is that all of those friends are actually going to expect you to talk to them, on a regular basis, and frequently all at the same time. This is not a problem if you are the proud owner of exactly two friends, but if you have ten friends on your list, watch out…because nobody can type that fast, not even me and I’ve been known to maintain three conversations at once.
An added complication to the communication fiasco is the web cam and microphone conversation that you are trying to maintain on the side while still keeping your typing buddies happy. This brings challenge to your life, whether you need it or not. You are trying to type to three other people while wearing headphones and speaking aloud into a microphone, and you are doing fairly well until one of the people you are typing to decides you are taking just a hair too long to answer, and they call you on it. “Um, how many people are you talking to?” , is a question I hear quite often. My reply usually inspires that person to log out of instant messenger and go watch television for three hours instead.
Luckily, the people I have on my buddy list actually have lives to live outside the internet, I do too, of course though my hours don’t seem to always coincide with theirs, which means that much of the time when I am logged in, they are not…so three way conversations are not a regular occurrence. What is a regular occurrence is the surprise attack that every internet user on the planet is guilty of, myself included. When you see one of your friends log into Instant Messenger you pop them a message right away. For some reason, many of my friends log in as invisible, I just can’t understand why. I have been the invisible woman a few times myself…This is an act that confuses no-one and stops no-one. They still send the messages and it is up to you to decide if you will be honest and reply to the message or fake it and ignore it. Do what you will, however…your friends will somehow always know the truth.
I have discovered that you can sit at a computer and be virtually anywhere on the planet instantly, if you manage to contact the right person at just the right time. Keep an eye on daylight savings time, however, as not every country on the planet uses it, and some use it only very grudgingly. I have learned that six O’clock in the morning here is six O’clock in the evening in the Philippines, so don’t give someone who is tired out after a long day’s work, a cheerful “good morning.” In fact, if at all possible, try not to get upset when the person on the other end of the web cam says, “good evening” to you, and you are still wiping the sleep out of your eyes, and trying to focus them both in the same direction at the same time.
I’m just waiting for the moment to come when I will be deep into a cam/microphone conversation and another person comes along who will be hoping to talk to me through the microphone too. Such a situation would not be pretty. One of them would have to go, as I only have one microphone and one set of lips. I do however, have two hands and they are perfectly capable of tearing up the keyboard in a vain attempt to keep everyone on the planet happy all at once. While I realize that this is not actually possible, I will still give it a shot anyway, because I’m addicted to pain.
What I am not addicted to is computer lingo and internet shorthand which is designed with the sole purpose of driving me absolutely up the wall. Internet shorthand was never intended to speed up the typing process. It was invented by teenagers attempting to create their very own language that will aggravate and annoy adults. It serves no other purpose but that. This type of shorthand, I have discovered, actually slows me down while typing because not only do I have to learn new ways of spelling familiar words, but I have to take the time to interpret what is being spelled back to me. I might as well be typing in the Filipino language for all the good it does me to use internet shorthand. The most aggravating part of all, I suspect, is the vaguely unsettling thought that everyone I talk to online knows the secret language better than I do, and they are not telling.
Computers are fun, and totally addictive by their very nature, but there is only so much internet communication a person can take. I’m good for an hour or two tops, but then I really have to get offline and find something less challenging to do. Surfboarding might be a fun hobby to take up, or perhaps, sky diving. Bungee jumping is getting a bit old now I think, but what the heck, the internet itself won’t last…It couldn’t possibly…after all, it was only created a few years ago….back in 1969. Hmmm, I guess it is here to stay after all. Kinda like the addicts who use it on a daily basis….like me. So here I am, online yet again, with keyboard in hand and mouse nearby….ready to once again take on the world single-handedly. I just hope none of my friends figure out I’m invisible.
That would spoil all my fun.
