The Touch-typing Challenge.

I just finished sending an email the hard way, with a drooling cat perched on one arm and my other hand in a fresh bowl of popcorn. Trust me when I tell you that this does make typing a heck of a challenge. For one thing, the cat loves butter, though this is not the reason he was drooling. He drools for a darn good reason--because he can. For another thing, the bowl of popcorn is speaking to me. Juggling the cat and keeping him away from the popcorn while at the same time attempting to type a halfway literate email makes for an interesting computer moment. The drool on the keyboard is pretty too. So is the popcorn on the floor.

Normally I touch type with nine fingers, like everyone else does, but when the cat sees me sitting in front of that cute, glowing box, he immediately assesses the situation and determines a couple of things: #1: She is busy, and #2: She is looking way too content while ignoring me. This is not to be tolerated. If the cat has to stand on the keyboard to do it, I will give him my undivided attention, and that's that. If I manage to continue to ignore him at that point, a few well-placed paw taps on the keys will really get my attention. The delete key, for example, will make my hair stand on end.

Eventually, the cat will get his way and I am reduced to the one finger hunt and peck, which turns a thirty second email into a ten minute event. Once he has what he wants though, then he's done and he gets down with a huff, leaving me to finish up my completely unnecessary foolishness all alone. He will probably lick all the butter off the popcorn on the floor before he leaves though, after all, we must be tidy. I must confess though, the internet is a lot more boring without the cat and the popcorn to distract me. All those dull web pages just sitting there doing nothing. Years ago, when they first called it "surfing" the web, I really expected it to be more exciting than this. The cat drool helps, of course. At least it adds a little wet realism to my "surfing".

The cat and the computer go together like paper and glue. I no sooner sit down in front of the computer, turn it on, and flex my fingers for a long writing session, and the cat is there, squeaking behind me. You see, this cat does not meow, he squeaks like a mouse. He will continue to squeak until I either pick him up or until he takes a wild, flying leap up to my shoulder. Then he will root around in my ear with a cold, wet nose, purring all the while, until I have no choice but to drop everything and pay attention to him. After all, typing stuff on the computer is not the most important thing in the world, and it's about time I should be realizing that.

I have heard about people who do all of their typing with only one or two fingers, but personally, this sort of typing annoys me. I like to get it over and done with as soon as possible. Typing six words a minute is not my idea of fun. If it takes three hours to type one email, there is something wrong with my technique. I always wondered why teenagers always seem to type like they have never learned the language yet. They type the average sentence in such a way that it looks like this: the rane in spane fals manely on the plane. It is not that they do not know how to spell but while using the famous "hunt and peck" method, it is easier and faster to simply misspell everything, and you can forget about punctuation.

Deliberately misspelling everything is also annoying to me and I have always said that it is easier to simply type everything the correct way than it is to deliberately misspell and abbreviate, yet I can now understand why kids do this.....they don't know how to touch-type yet. The sentence, "hey call me i gota talk to u" is slow and difficult to achieve using the touch-typing technique, but it makes sense if you are typing with only one finger. Keep in mind, of course, that I am in no way suggesting that there is something that kids do that is in any way practical. Just wanted to make sure you understand that. After all, the kid just asked another kid to call him so they could talk,--and they are already talking via email.

Anyone with nine moveable fingers can learn to touch-type, but it takes real skill to try it with a cat in one arm, his nose in your ear, and a fistful of popcorn in your face. According to the cat, this is not just a necessary talent, but it is a fact of his life. He needs his attention, you know, and it is up to the human to provide it no matter what, or that human is a negligent piece of cat property. After all, it takes a cat many months to properly train his human, so the human had better be paying attention. All you cat owners out there, know this.....your cat needs you, email be hanged. Put down that mouse and hug that cat, before he disowns you.