My printer just had a major league temper tantrum, and it really did not take much to bring it on. I was preparing to print some greeting cards and noticed that my black ink was running low, so I grabbed an extra ink cartridge, tore open the box, ripped open the inner liner, and pulled out….a photo cartridge. I had opened the wrong box! So, I packed that away again, more or less, and this time opened the correct box containing a brand new black ink cartridge.
I very carefully loaded the cartridge into the appropriate spot, checking to make sure it was positioned the same way as the other one, then clicked it into place with some difficulty, and closed the lid on the printer. That printer made all sorts of clicking, choking and hacking noises, and when I re-opened the lid, it spit the offending cartridge right back out at me. Meanwhile, the computer was happily beginning the printing process anyway, which meant that my printer was off line and a printing project was lined up waiting.
My printer hates having jobs waiting for it, so out of a fond desire to proceed with this mess, and get it over with, I attempted to delete the waiting print job, but the first print job never deletes of its own free will. It tends to like to hang around for a while so it can surprise me at some later date when I am trying to print something else. While I was futilely trying to delete the print job, the printer was messily chewing up the paper I had given it, while still making gagging noises.
I swear that printer growled at me while I pulled that paper out of its jaws, then when it was free, I turned back to the monitor where a previously unnoticed warning now stared me in the face. It stated that there was a paper jam and the BACK of the machine should be opened and the paper carefully removed. It also said that pulling the paper from the FRONT could damage the machine…..oops. I'm really surprised the warning did not call me an idiot right about then, but that's okay, because my printer more than made up for it after I finally got its cartridge back into place and in the proper position.
I slid a sheet of paper into the slot, and the printer made a few more snapping, popping and gagging sounds, making me think that it was dying a slow and painful death right before my eyes, and then it ever so slowly sucked up that sheet, then pushed it out a little bit, then sucked it back in, then spit it out almost all the way, and then changed its mind and sucked it all the way in where it proceeded to print ten rows of computer cuss along the top edge. I swear it made a patooie sound when it spit it back in my face.
But it wasn't done yet, and it kept demanding more paper, so, knowing what was coming I kept sticking the same sheet of paper back into the machine, over and over again, hoping the printer would get this out of its system soon. Finally it printed one final, partial line of cuss ending in a smiley face which led me to believe that the worst was over. I found a clean sheet of paper, stuck it into the slot, pressed the paper feed button, and …..six more rows of very angry computer cuss blurted out of the machine. Meanwhile, the waiting print job had still not deleted yet, even though I had clicked it about sixteen times.
After about six separate sheets of ruined paper, counting the one with printer teeth marks in it, the printer finally stopped gagging and growling, and got down to the business of printing out the first of my two cards. After that print job was done, the printer demanded more paper, and again, knowing what was coming, I put one of the ruined sheets back in, and out came the cartridge alignment test sheet that always follows a cartridge change. Now my little printer was all happy again, and merrily chugged its way through the second print job without the slightest hesitancy. I admired the finished work, then attempted to fold it into the shape of a greeting card, only to discover that I apparently don't know how to fold paper correctly, because none of the edges came even close to matching.
This led me to ordering up another print job identical to the one I'd just ruined and holding my breath in case the temper flare-up might come back. Fortunately, it did not. My printer simply did its work and gave me yet another perfect copy, but it spit it out with a sort of finality that told me, “don't push your luck. Go find someone who knows how to fold.” I took the paper into another room out of sight of my printer and folded that card the proper way. Now as I sit here typing this article, my printer is sitting off to my right, silently watching and waiting. But I've fooled it this time. Thank goodness I don't need to print. Now just as long as my “save” command still functions, I'll be all set. Where's that goofy little diskette?
