Watermelons are big and green, but red inside. They make a huge mess when you try to eat them, and the ones that still have seeds in them are so annoying to pick around. Why do we, as the superior species of the Earth, put up with such a disgrace?
Their are two different categories of insult these fruity fiends have pulled on us: the things themselves, and watermelon flavorings. Watermelon-flavored things are nasty, and they're usually the last candies to be eaten, the last half melted popsicles to be half-drank, and there are more of them than any other fruit left on the trays after parties. Watermelons are tricky things, coming in the form of suckers and jolly ranchers.....the despicable possibilities see no end.
Watermelons stain your hands a nasty shade of red and are very difficult to eat while being polite and socially correct because the juices run down your face and end up staining it red on top of your embarrassment. And watermelon can even be dangerous.
For instance, if you swallowed a seed, rumors say that a watermelon will grow inside of you. Luckily, your gastrointestinal acids will dissolve the thing before it gets a chance, but what if someone were walking around with a watermelon on their roof and dropped the thing down three stories right on top of your head? Well, then not even your digestive system can stop the impending horror.
So you see, there is more to watermelons than the thick green exterior and soft red juicy insides. Deep down within, maybe in the black and white seeds, evil festers.
For more foods to be wary of, click the link below. Happy hating!
How to Properly Hate Bagels
