Geek Dieting: The Way of the Geek

How to Diet the Geek Way or How to Become Sexy and Still Eat What You Want

Geek dieting is a very long forgotten art, or so it seems. Most programs in the popular media suggest to us how we have to look, act, and most importantly, what we have to think. If I take a look out of the Subway restaurant where I am eating right now, I see dozens of slender bodies, and a frigging advertisement for CK. Calvin Klein. The model in the photo has obviously been photo shopped several times, because no one, except steroid ridden Bodybuilders, have such six packs.

This segment is dedicated (as usual) to my male fellow geeklings, because most of the female geeks seem to have no problem with obesity. But if you ladies want to follow my 'Way of the Geek' program, no problem.

Today geeks are visualized as either fat kiddies or as long and slender pimple faced youngsters, but dieting the geek way can be very easy. All it takes is an admission on our part that these figures on the wall or in the magazine are not out there to make us feel guilty. That is right. Guilty because we age and do not have the body of a hungering child, as well as not having perfect skin.

Following is my first step. For most of the non-geek population out there, this step may be unnecessary. I mean, they already have found their place in society, and are having meaningless sex and such, right?

I understand that the geeks out there need to understand the basics of dieting in a different way. Dieting may not be too fun, but the way others do it seems inappropriate and more like a punishment. This way is basically wrong for geeks.

Let me try to draw a comparison between the human body and a computer.

Most of us think about dieting like a casemodd. You can add some blinking lights that will look funky, but it will make no difference because most of that what is really important is on the inside.

Now, have you nodded? Good geek! Because you are true. The way most peoples diet is like casemodding. Just for the outside, and with no real effects for the inside. But on the other hand, look at the computer in front of you. I bet you can name 1000 things you could change if you only had the time. Get the idea?

Most of the fat we tend to carry around stems from what I call the 'windows effect'. It is just too inconvenient to change to Linux or loose a few pounds, because we seem to have too much to do. But that is wrong.

I see dieting in the geek way like the change from Windows to Linux. At first, it may hurt a bit, but you will loose a good bit of slacker ware, and you will probably notice that your system runs a good bit faster. Of course, you can always go back. If you do not like it, hey it is your system.

First Rule of Geek Dieting: Embrace Your Geekdom

Today, most of the fat I see in true geeks stems from them sitting in front of the computer munching. I mean it is a bit disgusting. I mean, what has your keyboard ever done to you? When I was still young and learning my geek basics, it could mean paying 10 bucks to replace a keyboard, or maybe even more if you had a C64. Now, the following should come more naturally to you.

Your keyboard is the mirror of your soul. If it is disgustingly littered with cheese-puffs crumbs or Oreo-cream, it means that the geek within you is weak.

From now on, no more eating in front of the Computer. If you follow this rule, it will naturally lead to a little conflict. On the one hand, you want to pig out - and at the same time, enjoy your hobby. But on the other hand, you want your geekdom to be massive.

Now, does that contradict itself? No, it is basically increasing your joy. If you eat in front of the computer you combine two joys in one - but after a time, this can become stale. So instead, if you now only eat away from your computer, you will quickly notice how your joy increases. On the computer, you can process your hobby more easily, and without disturbance. No more sticky keyboards, unless you open the pron folder and are forced to actually do something.

If you can learn to leave the computer alone while you are eating, you will have what I like to call 'quality time'. Basically, you can empty your head a bit, and think about what you have done so far, while you are enjoying a good chow.