Geek Dieting: The Way of the Geek

Second Rule of Geek Dieting: Only Eat Meals That You Have Somehow Processed

This does not mean carve your Doritos out of potatoes, although this is also fun. No, it means that basically all the bad stuff is 'unprocessed' ready made foods, like Mac d's and Doritos. That is bad.

Now as a new basic rule, always make at least one part of the dish yourself.

So here are a few examples, using the popular lists of the good, the bad and the ugly. All Ideas are open source and so easy to make that even I can do them. They are strictly beta tested and absolutely bug free.

• Bad: Cold ravioli out of the can
• Good: Warmed up ravioli out of the can
• Geek: Warmed up ravioli out of a bowl with a heated garlic baguette.

• Bad: Ramen blocks pure and uncooked
• Good: Ramen processed like on the package
• Geek: Cooked Ramen, with a bit of tuna and eggs sprinkled over the hot soup.

• Bad: Doritos out of the bag
• Good: Doritos out of a bowl with dip
• Geek: Doritos out of a bowl with a self-made dip.

• Bad: Cookie dough out of the bag
• Good: Cookies with tea
• Geek: Homemade cookies with Tea.

• Bad: McDonald's maxi menu
• Good: Burger king maxi menu
• Geek: Subway sandwich with unlimited refills.

• Bad: Lemonade out of the bottle
• Good: Mountain Dew out of the bottle
• Geek: Mountain Dew, with ice cubes and the ripped out arm of an old Barbie, in a whiskey glass.

• Bad: Cold macaroni and cheese with ketchup
• Good: Mamas macaroni and cheese
• Geek: Macaroni and cheese with a side order of salad as a replacement for a fork or spoon.

• Bad: A burger
• Good: A grilled steak
• Geek: A grilled steak that is still a bit bloody with some salad on top, so when you eat it it has the "Orc crushes puny elves" feeling.

• Bad: Beef jerky
• Good: Corned beef
• Geek: Bacon which is still on the bone from which you proceed to rip off the meat in a way that would make Conan the Barbarian proud - ask your local butcher, I have used this to reforge my trust with him after I had played a bit too much Diablo).

• Bad: Coca Cola because you think it makes you cool
• Good: Mountain Dew because it makes you cool
• Geek: Coffee so dark and black that it could be used as a blood substitute for a Unix admin.

Well enough open source. If I find the time, I will add some more soon.

Third Rule of Geek Dieting:

If you have to pig out, get excited afterwards. Really. You can loose so much weight this way... I mean I have to admit, I am a coffee junky. So, if I have to party with my elite geek buddies, and eat two 16 inch subs with 6 cups of Soda - I choose wisely, and will only drink stuff with much caffeine. Simple equation, caffeine makes your heart beat fast, if it beats fast, it uses calories. As simple as that. Do not quietly eat your food. Have fun, get excited, and ogle the female across the room so you blush a lot. The more excitement you get, the better.

Ooh, and just as a extra thought... You know how sexiness today is measured by your six packs? Well, everybody has six packs. Even I do. They just happen to be hidden behind a big layer of huggable fat. So, unless you lose enough weight, no six packs. (Which should not matter to you anyways, because to keep it simple, we know we are beautiful.) Now just take a look at a random girlie magazine. Do you see all of the stuff that the media wants us to be ridden-with-guilt by so that we buy their products?

Do not fall for that.

Just Be True:

My mantra in such situations is: My level 60 Orc barbarian has a six pack, so I do not have to.