It is an eternal conflict, one that may never truly be resolved. It is a quarrel that knows no conclusion. And though its complexities be many, one must sort through them and pick a side at an early age. There are few conversions, for altering your stance is equivalent only to treason. Such are the implications of a much-heated topic: Mayo vs. Miracle Whip.
Mayonnaise, having been listed in American cookbooks for almost two centuries has a clear advantage - the smooth, egg yolk and vegetable oil concoction has become a staple of Western living. Much to the dismay of Mayo-fanatics, a seemingly “miraculous” whip has come to the dinner table, seeking to win over the hearts of even the most stalwart advocators of fine dressing. Some claim that a mere taste of the tangy sweetness that this new miracle blend offers is enough to convert any deep-rooted Mayo backer. Today I take a stand against this Miracle Monster; I will go straight to America's clogged artery to prove that, indeed, Mayo still holds a commanding lead of favorability. And though the morals and values of this country decline steadily, let the likeability of Mayo stand unwavering!
As if it were Mayo on a toasted bagel, the facts will hereafter be spread out, allowing the reader to decide if they are being true to themselves on this matter.
Administered in 2003, an extensive survey asked over 1000 participants which dressing they prefer; the results are almost too "sweet and tangy", just as the supposed "miraculous" whip that they denounce: 48% of surveyed people attested their love of Mayo, while only 35% revealed their imposturous and surely mistaken approval of Miracle Whip. The remaining percent were those who claim that their preference somehow shifts, depending on what they are eating - Unto such I can only give the reference of a biblical verse, encouraging them to trust their hearts:
"That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive." (Ephesians 4:14)
So what is it that people find miraculous about Miracle Whip? Most say that they like the zippy taste and the lower calories. That leaves us with this question: Since when have we agreed to substitute our heritage and mild, robust flavor for a few less calories and an artificial taste? If only it were known unto all that Kraft has recently diminished the amount of soybean oil in their Miracle Whip recipe, and substituted it with, you guessed it, water. (wikipedia) Anyone knows that when soybean oil is substituted for water in any recipe, the results are without flavor and lacking a much-needed consistency. In fact, when used in salads such as coleslaw or potato salad that must be kept over-night, Miracle Whip leaves its most loyal supporters with a watery mess.
The convictions of many have been voiced regarding this discord. True believers everywhere tell the conversion of their loved ones, and Mayo activists exercise their right to speak out. Gina, a gal that participated in the survey, tells her tear-provoking account:
" I'm a mayonnaise gal and my husband, Jon, WAS a Miracle Whip guy (I always called it mistake whip -- it certainly doesn't taste like a miracle to me!). And then one day he said, "You know, I don't think I like that miracle whip as much as the mayonnaise." This was a big shock since we had been trying to have a dual-dressing marriage. You see, whenever I made tuna salad or potato salad or whatever, I always had to make two; you know, "his and hers." Well, unbeknownst to me he was dipping into mine when his was all gone and he had become accustomed to the smooth wonderful taste of mayonnaise. To this day, he's a dedicated mayonnaise fan and I only keep miracle whip in the house for the in-laws." (Home Cook'n)
One by one the hearts of many are turned to their true love, and their core-beliefs are solidified. Published all over the Internet are the outcries of pro-Mayo traditionalists: “Miracle Whip is too sweet”, “The reason I like the real mayo is you can sweeten it or spice it up depending on the dish you are preparing. Miracle Whip is very limited. It tastes awful if you try to spice it up”, “Mayo is where it's at, baby”.
This holiday season, America has relies on a dressing that will provide needed creamy moisture to often dry turkey. This dressing must complement the poultry, not take from it its distinctive flavor. The mildness of Mayo is the only thing that does the trick.
Stefan Raets, a native Belgian, joins the fight against the adversary. In an uplifting piece about the monstrosities of this generation Stefan declares that Miracle Whip is an “abomination unto God”. He insists, “Comparing Miracle Whip to Mayo is like comparing Twinkies to éclairs… Where I grew up, in Belgium, mayo is an integral part of life - nothing less than the glue that holds society together while clogging its arteries.” As Stefan remembers the fresh, homemade Mayonnaise that his mother made when he was a child, a flame is rekindled in each of us - a flame that, if nurtured, will one day spread across the world. May a similar spreading be realized on the breads and in the salads of this nation, and may the spreading be fulfilled with the only true dressing, Mayonnaise.
