Starbucks and The Tip Cup

Today's rant lays an open field tackle on tipping. I consider myself a generous tipper. In fact, as a server, you would pretty much have to be in a catatonic state not to receive something from me. If the person waiting on me performs relatively well in keeping my beverages coming and portrays some modicum of interest in my dining experience than I'm usually game for dropping about 20% of my bill into his/her pocket. To bring me down to the suggested 15% range or less a server might only have given a satisfactory performance, possibly forgetting to retrieve a requested item or letting my glass sit empty as I suggestively place it at the edge of the table.

I have tremendous respect for those who wait tables as it is something that I have an exceptional distaste for doing myself. I am fully aware of their sub minimum wage base pay and loyalty to annoying shift work. These soldiers of service sometimes have to endure hours on their feet without a break for food or a collection of their sanity all while fending off drunks, touchy feely advances by older men, cheap skates, perpetual complainers and parties who seem to camp out well past closing time. Therefore I have no problem shelling out a couple of extra bucks to show my appreciation. The way I feel is that if you don't want to tip then don't go out to eat, go back to checking payphones for loose change and bumming cigarettes off everyone just to save some coin. But I digress.

Let me return to what I originally planned to rant about. The other day my wife had a hankering for some dressed up, over priced coffee at Starbucks. So we placed our order, paid and picked up her cup of sweet serenity offered by the bullring toting teenager at the end of the line. There, on the counter in front of me sat a Starbucks cup with a dollar and some change strategically placed in it so as to suggest, “Please feel free to add to the misery of paying four dollars for a cup of coffee.” Here is my issue: I can't bring myself to throw any tips at an employee who makes twice the money a server does and performs a tenth of the service.

I have nothing against these workers but you don't find cashiers at bookstores or home improvement centers begging for tips. Just because a person produces a hot beverage for your enjoyment and takes two steps to their right to hand it to you shouldn't imply that you need to give them more money. So please, I mean no offense but if you are the guy or girl behind the counter at your local coffee shop don't expect me to float you some extra cash; and on the flip side if you're the pillar of intelligence dropping money into these tip cups then just take a moment to read into how ridiculous you're being. If I'm wrong here than I'll tell you what, I'll offer a compromise. When the Starbucks kid with the bullring so expertly placed through the center of his nose tells me to have a seat while he brings me a coffee and one of those two dollar blueberry muffins then I'll consider greasing his palm with a couple of greenbacks. Thank you.