It's that time of the year again. Time for yard sales, garage sales and church rummage sales. I like yard sales, they're a lot of fun--to go to and buy from. They are not always so much fun to hold at your own house, however. For one thing, they represent a whole heck of a lot of work. Done correctly they are extremely time consuming and sweat inducing. They are also a headache just waiting to happen. They are also the harbingers of lousy weather, no matter where you happen to live. Of course, lousy weather is always in the eye of the beholder, and yard salers are notoriously blind to it.
Where I come from, yard sales are strictly a summer-time project, but I honestly cannot see why the season would even matter because nothing stops a die-hard yard sale fanatic. Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor the End of the World, can stay yard salers from their appointed rounds. I saw this once when I was a kid and a "Michigan Monsoon" did not even stop the yard salers from gathering on our lawn. A Michigan Monsoon is when Niagara Falls suddenly lifts itself from its usual spot, and floats over the double state, where it not-so-delicately dumps itself on us all at once. These rain storms usually take place in the spring or early fall, and can last anywhere from one afternoon to four days. In this type of rain, you are soaked from head to toe right through practically to the bones, in precisely one quarter of a second. This condition has absolutely no effect whatsoever on a Michigan yard saler.
What exactly makes yard sales so tiresome to prepare for? Well, first you have your typical house clutter, the kind that squeezes you out of house and home to the point where you are constantly walking sideways in order to get through doorways and hallways, and stairways. When you get tired of doing that, you shout, "enough!" and start gathering stuff to stick outside on folding tables. But it is not as easy as it sounds, because you still have to wipe all the spiderwebs and dust from everything, rewind your video tapes, wash all the plates, cups and saucers, and generally make all of your goods look presentable. At least that is the way I would like it to be.
The reality is always a slightly darker image. Most home owners believe their trash is solid gold and you will appreciate it to pieces no matter what condition it is in. Trouble of it is, they are usually right. I will buy something I want at a yard sale no matter what it looks like, as long as the price is right. If the glassware I purchase has six inches of mud and clay caked on it, and I like it and can get it for the right price, I will take that thing home and attempt to wash it myself. There's a sucker born every minute.
Nobody ever rewinds the videotapes they plan to sell. Perhaps they don't do it because that way they know which videos they don't want to keep, and rewind all the rest so they can tell them apart. That is one theory. Here is another: They do it because they know it will sell anyway so why waste the time and effort that is required to place a VHS tape inside a rewinder and close the lid. Wow, that's like three whole seconds out of their busy day. So the lucky new owner of the tape gets it home and sticks it into his VCR and starts watching the end credits of the movie. I hate that with a passion so I always rewind the tapes I plan to sell. I'm sure the new owner appreciates that because it is so much more interesting to watch a tape from the beginning.
I also put price stickers on nearly every single item, which is aggravating and time consuming. I do it anyway, because I feel it is important to have items clearly marked when seven hundred myopic shoppers come by to ask you the price of everything. It is so much easier to tell them the price when it is clearly marked right there on the item in their hand. Yard salers never look at the prices of items and even if they do, they always, always, always assume it is but a typo. If you are selling a ratty old comic book for a dime, a ten year old kid will come up to you with a penny in his hand and a hopeful look in his eye. Do him and yourself a favor and take it. If you are selling your great grandmother's antique china for $100.00, nobody will buy it anyway, so please get nostalgic and pass it on to your own children. They will sell it at their own yard sale for $5.00 anyway.
