Interview with Jesus' Brother

Querrian: Hello everyone.  Thank you for being here with us.  I am talking today with the brother of Jesus.
So tell me, what was it like growing up with Jesus?
Brother: It was a miracle we ever survived.
Querrian: Really?  Did you guys have the normal brother relationship?
Brother: Sure we did.  It was just tough sometimes.  I mean, Jesus got away with everything when we were young.
Querrian: In what way?
Brother: Well, you know, I would get yelled at for not cleaning my room.  I'd say, "What about Jesus?  His room is messier than mine."  Mom would say, "Well, he's the Son of God."  She was always using that "Son of God" thing.
Querrian: Yes, that must have been tough.  Was Mary a good Mother?
Brother: Of course she was.  She is my mother and I love her.
Querrian: Was she always yelling at you to clean your room and stuff?
Brother: Well, she found it difficult to swear in the house.
Querrian: Because of Jesus?
Brother: Yeah, she'd be like, "Jesus Christ!" and he'd answer, "Yes, Mom?"  You see what I'm saying?  All the time, he'd answer her.  "Son of God!"  "Yes, Mom?"  That happened a lot.
Querrian: It must have been difficult.
Brother: Hey don't get me wrong.  We had some fun too.  When we were teenagers, Mom would give us a glass of milk and we'd go in the next room, he'd change it into beer.
Querrian: And Mary never knew?
Brother: No.  Oh, the fun we had at bars when Jesus would do it in reverse with the patrons.  You know, changing the beer to water?  The look on those guys' faces when they took a drink.
Querrian: Funny.
Brother: Yes.  We were banned from a few places when they realized it was Jesus.  Of course, they didn't know he was the Son of God at the time.  They just thought it was one of those bar tricks.
Querrian: So as the story goes with changing the water to wine, that wasn't the first time he had done that miracle.
Brother: No.  I knew he could do it.  I told mom he could do it.
Querrian: But at first, he didn't want to do it.
Brother: Yes, but I told mom, "Look, either he changes the water to wine or I'm going out buying some."  So mom slapped him upside his head and made him do it.
Querrian: Wow.  So he was just your average, everyday brother to you.
Brother: Sure.  The only thing was, he didn't like sports.  You see, we'd want to take a trip to the Colleseum to see a game and he wouldn't want to go.  Without him there to change our water to beer, we'd have to buy our own beer.  You know how expensive just one beer is at the Colleseum?
Querrian: I can imagine.  So, he goes off to preach and perform miracles.
Brother: Yeah, he hooked up with this group of twelve guys.  Peter, James, Thomas, Judas - I forget them all now.  It was so long ago.
Querrian: Did you see him much after that?
Brother: No.  Not much.  Only when he wanted to borrow money.
Querrian: He asked you for money a lot?
Brother: It's like I told him.  "You know, I can really respect you preaching the word of God, healing the sick and all, but it ain't earning you no paycheck."  You see what I mean?

Querrian: Yes.  So did you lent him money?
Brother: I'd give him a quarter.  He'd say, "Is this all you can give me?"  I'd say to him, "Hey, you take one fish and feed five thousand people.  You think you can take a quarter and turn it into a few hundred bucks?" You see what I'm saying?
Querrian: I hear you.  And then to the last supper.
Brother: Yeah, I was a bit upset about that.  His own brother, you'd think I'd get an invite.  I mean, it was his last supper, you know?
Querrian: And then on through the trial.  Was that tough for the family?
Brother: Sure it was.  I told him to get a lawyer.  "No, I don't need a lawyer," he says to me.  Well, look what happened.  A good lawyer would have gotten him off easily.
Querrian: Do you think?
Brother: Come on.  All the guy did was heal the sick and go around calling himself the Son of God.  At worst, maybe a fine, two years probation and some community service.  But no.  He goes and gets himself crucified.
Querrian: But it was Judas who betrayed him that led to that.
Brother: Yeah, well, we took care of him.
Querrian: Now the Good Book says he committed suicide.
Brother: That's what the Good Book says.
Querrian: So it wasn't a suicide?
Brother: All I'm saying is that you mess with The Christ, you mess with his whole family.  You understand what I'm saying?
Querrian: I see.  Well, you heard it here first.  Now did you know he was going to rise from the dead?
Brother: Well, he said he was.  Hey, if the man says he's going to rise from the dead, then I believe the man can do it.  He is my brother and I believed he could do it.  And again, you think he'd come visit his family?  Nope.  Right to those group of friends.
Querrian: Well, he needed to make believers out of them.  Perhaps he felt you already believed.
Brother: Yeah, you're right.  Hey, he's the Son of God.  He can do what he wants.  I'm ok with that.  You hear that, Bro?  You cool with me.
Querrian: Well, that's all the time we have.  Thank you for joining me today.  Join me next time for another WeeBe Querrian Exclusive Interview.
Brother: Do I get paid for this appearance?
Querrian: I'm sorry.  No you don't.
Brother: Aw, Jesus Christ!
Voice: Yes, Bro?