Weddings are wonderful events. The ceremony is beautiful. The bride and groom look so happy on their special day. The guests are having a ball. Everything is grand unless you make an unfortunate remark.
Nice tux, you look just like the Good Humor man
This music has about as much life as a funeral procession
I love your wedding dress. The color matches your perfect white teeth.
I meant to get you a special wedding gift. Unfortunately, I was a little short of cash. I'm giving you this Entertainment Pass Book. It has barely been used.
That's a beautiful ring. Did Jeffrey buy it at a pawnshop?
The wedding cake is delicious. I only lost two fillings in it.
I left the ring in my glove compartment. Can you please wait a minute while I go get it?
You have such a lovely smile. By the way, did you just get a boob job?
The salad was wilted, the roast beef was tough, and the potatoes were mushy. Other than that, it was a delicious meal.
Why did you seat me next to Uncle Ted? I hate Uncle Ted. He laughs too loudly. He drinks too much. And he emits enough gas from his bottom to light up the entire planet.
I haven't had this much fun since the day that I finalized my third divorce
I cried so much that my fake eyelashes accidentally fell in your punchbowl
Congratulations George on marrying Olivia. Don't worry about the fact that her last three husbands died under mysterious circumstances.
You two were made for each other. You like to cheat and your husband likes to steal.
I'm sure that the two of you will have a long and prosperous life together. Ah, who am I kidding? Listen kids, marriage is hell. Everyday I look in the mirror when I wake up in the morning and scream help. I would get a divorce but then my wife would take everything that I own. Good Luck! You'll need it!
