Hum loudly and off-key at all times when not speaking. Commercial jingles are suggested
Complain as much as possible. Remember- it's not just about talking nonstop. It's about talking sadly and pessimistically nonstop.
Remember to share. If you are tired or hungry, let people know. If they say they don't care don't worry. You can complain about them later.
Carry industrial strength superglue at all times. You never know when you could do something funny with it. . .
Remember never to insult people. If you do they may hit you. It's much better to gripe about them all you want when they're not listening.
Avoid talking about anything anyone cares about
Work on a smile that is both strange and mildly creepy at the same time. If you can make one of your eyes stare into space or twitch that's a plus. If it can stare into space while twitching then be proud. Use that smile as much as possible.
If someone starts talking about their feelings you should fix that by tossing back your head and screaming “Oh god not again!” Repeatedly until they stop. If they do it again then scream louder. They obviously didn't get it the first time.
Ask people for various amounts money, starting with a hundred dollars and going towards a penny until they give you some. If you reach a penny and they haven't paid you or shot themselves then start at a hundred dollars again.
If you're bored you can amuse yourself by arguing with people about things you don't fully understand. The trick is to be confident and never take what you've said back. Remember- the best defense is a good offense. In other words you can best defend your point of view by offending others.
Call people you don't know and try selling them things. Like sex.
Run up to people you don't know and grab them intensely, stare into their eyes and whisper “do you know him?” The idea is to get one side of your mouth to twitch uncontrollably as you say it.
Spit in people's food when they aren't watching.
Stop brushing your teeth (works best in conjunction with 14)
