A Few Linguistic Ponderables

The English language, being cobbled together from so many other sources, has a tendency to hold within itself a great number of exceptions to its own rules. This coupled with what some might call peculiarities in American usage can account for some funny linguistic ponderables. This article takes us through a list of just a few with a decidedly tongue-in-cheek and hopefully humorous and playful slant.

Many have asked; “why is the word abbreviation so long?” But an even more important observation than that is, if abbreviations are all about saying something in a shortened or abbreviated form then when it comes to the official abbreviation of abbreviation, "abbrev", that's got to be one of the longest abbreviations. What's up with that? Couldn't the official designers of abbreviations come up with a more abbreviated abbreviation for abbreviation? Don't talk to me about “abbr”, cuz that one's unofficial. “Abbrev”, is what the government and military have established as official. Oh well, leave it to those institutions to take anything that could be easy, and make it as hard as it can be. Along the same lines one could also ask: Why is “infinitesimal” so much bigger than "big"? Why is “eternal” actually shorter than “momentary”? Not only that, but why is “eon” shorter than “nanosecond”? How is it that we can see the word “invisible”? And how can anyone know the definition of “unknown”?

When heading for the restroom, why do some people say they plan to take the very thing they're actually going to leave? And speaking of restrooms, why do we call them that? It's not like we plan to rest, while we're in there.

The word homonym doesn't have one. Yes, it's true, no other word sounds like homonym.

Why isn't the word phonetic actually phonetic? You'd think it would embody its meaning and be spelled phonetically, in order to give emphasis to the importance of words being spelled with proper phonetics, but it isn't! If phonetic was phonetic, it would have more value. I might even be able to get hooked on phonics if the word phonics was actually phonetic. It deflates its worth by not being itself, so I say we should spell phonetic, fonetic, and phonic, fonic.

The word synonym doesn't have a synonym. Look in a thesaurus, and you will not see synonym listed there, since there's no other word in the English language that means the same thing. Do a search for synonym and you will get this reply:

Sorry, I could not find synonyms for "synonym".

Incidentally, the word antonym, synonym's opposite yields the same results:

Sorry, I could not find synonyms for "antonym".

Why isn't the word palindrome spelled the same way both backward and forward, which is of course what it means for a word or phrase to be a palindrome? As you may've noticed, I'm of the mind that words should embody their meaning. If they did, they would actually have more meaning. So, palindrome should be “palindromemordnilap”, in order to make it embody itself. Unfortunately, that's a bit long, so how about “palinnilap”?

Did you ever wonder if the word acronym might actually be used as an acronym? It turns out, it is, and there are a bunch of them, too, according to the online Acronym Finder.

ACRONYM: Abbreviated Coded Rendition Of Name Yielding Meaning

ACRONYM: Alphabetic Collocation Reducing Or Numbing Your Memory

ACRONYM: A Contrived Reduction Of Nomenclature Yielding Mnemonics

ACRONYM: Abbreviation by Cropping Names that Yield Meaning

ACRONYM: A Completely Random Order Never Yields Meaning

ACRONYM: Abbreviated Code Rarely Or Never Yielding Meaning

ACRONYM: American Committee Really Out To Numb Your Mind

ACRONYM: Alphanumeric Code for Remembering Odd Names You Make-up

ACRONYM: Annoyingly Cryptic References or Names You Make

ACRONYM: A Concise Recollection of Nomenclature Yielding Mnemonics

ACRONYM: American Committee Research on New York Mayors

ACRONYM: A Concise Reduction Obliquely Naming Your Meaning

ACRONYM: A Crazy Reminder Of Names You Misplaced

ACRONYM: Alphabetically Coded Reminder of Names You Misremember

ACRONYM: A Clever Re-Organization Nudges Your Memory

ACRONYM: Alphabetical Character Rendition Of a Name Yielding a Meaning

ACRONYM: A Cross Reference Of Notes Yielding Messages

ACRONYM: Alphabetically Condensed Representation of Neologically Yclept Magniloquence

ACRONYM: A Cryptic Reminder Of Names You Meet

ACRONYM: Academy's Choice Reading, One Newspaper for You and Me (Newspaper of IMSA)

ACRONYM: Automatic Computerized Reorganization Of Names Yielding Meaninglessness

ACRONYM: Abbreviation Code Rendering One Name Yielding Mnemonic

So if an adverb modifies a verb, why doesn't an adnoun modify a noun? Instead it's an adjective. But that doesn't make sense, there's no "jective" for an adjective to modify. So it should be a noun instead of adjective. I'm not the first to make this observation, so to all those who advocate adnoun rather than adjective, I'm with you. And, thank you, JackDanyells.

Okay, so a word that's classified as onomatopoeia is a word that sounds like what it describes. Onomatopoeias are supposed to actually imitate the sound associated with themselves, like "hiss" or "buzz", but the word onomatopoeia itself doesn't imitate an associated sound of anything. But then again, what should it sound like in order to imitate its associated meaning? Maybe it should sound like homonym.

Rhotacism is the official name for a speech disorder consisting of the imperfect pronunciation of the “r” sound. This vocal problem is often manifested by the defective utterance of the “r” sound with something not unlike an Elmer Fudd type of lisping - such as “weally, vewy attwactive” for “really, very attractive”. So here's the catch, what kind of spiteful person decided to name this condition with a word that is spelled using “r” as its first letter. That means folks with this disorder can never actually pronounce the name of their condition cowwectly. I mean weally, that's just down wight cwuel.

And last but not least, why is the word "monosyllabic" so not monosyllabic? You'd think a word that means having only one syllable would have only one syllable. Call me crazy, and you probably will, but that's what I think, anyway. Now according to Wikipedia there are even entire Monosyllabic Languages. Imagine that, a whole language embracing Monosyllabism.

Try to speak that way, and you will find it hard to use words with just one per word. How do you like it so far? Just how long can you go till you slip? One sound per word can not be done for long with ease, but it can be fun to play with. Do you not think so? I think so. Give it a try, and have a fun time at it.

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Comments (2)
#1 by Laura
Mar 8, 2008
Is it any wonder people from other countries find it so difficult to learn to speak English? Even the English take exception to Americans calling our language "English"! (But then there was this whole war thing and we finally won but still...)

Good article my friend...
#2 by Bill M. Tracer
Nov 2, 2008
Laura,

Glad you liked it.
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