Tongue in cheek survival advice for new step-dads…
When blending two families together there are many things that can happen to a step-father that can make or break a relationship with a new woman in your life. I have found that if you want to keep the peace and the little lady in your life then you should follow these important steps.
Never ever be critical of your wife's children actions when they absolutely deserve it. An example might be if you catch the step kid's sand papering the cats butt and pouring alcohol on its rear end to watch it drag its raw ass across the front yard lawn for laughs and giggles. Inappropriate behavior to say the least, chasing the kids down to have a family discussion with why it's wrong may tick off the little woman. Instead start out a conversation with the brat's mother about a story of inappropriate behavior that your own angel child displayed in the past and how you corrected your children's behavior with a woodshed beating. This way you show an in partial attitude with her kids from hell…
Always show favoritism with the darling step children in public. Gushing over the step child shows the new wife how much you really care. Privately with your drinking buddies is when you can let out your pent up frustrations of having to manage the devil's spawn. A few shots of bourbon and a suggestion or two from your pals on medieval torture techniques with the new thorn in your side will help your weekend pass easier.
If you find yourself in the situation where you accidentally discover the step children's stash of marijuana by searching their room for elicit drugs, instead of going to the police, you should confiscate the baggy and share with your pals at the next football fantasy draft. This way you have scored with your drinking pals and there won't be any hard feelings between you and your wife since the police were not contacted to haul off the little juvenile delinquents to jail.
Finally, beware of tucking in the step children at bed time. Especially if you have a step daughter that is 17, looks 25 with a tramp stamp on her rump and has become the high school football team's favorite mascot. That little indiscretion can lead to some serious consequences between you and the new wife. I can immediately think of two things can happen and both are bad. Jail time and the dreaded question from the new wife…”Do you think my daughter is cuter than me?” The best thing to do at bed time is to pass out on the couch after dinking a twelve pack of Busch while watching reruns of the Family Guy.
These are only a few pit falls to try to avoid. There will be many other land mines to pop up while learning to be a new step dad. One thing is for sure, Ward Cleaver's parenting style will not work in today's modern world….
