I'm old. Old and gray. Old and gray and wrinkly. But, I used to be young…OH YES! I used to have skin that didn't fall off my face…but, if I had to cling to a piece of bone for 70 years, I try to fall off too, wouldn't you? But I have yet to lose my touch; in fact, if I were in my right mind and free of madness, I might even say that I was a teeanger trapped in an old woman's body. A very old woman's body. But like I said, I can't really say exactly what I think anymore because of that madness. Once, I even forgot what a smoothie was; my granddaughter Ellie, from the side of my adopted son, had to remind me three times. I like smoothies.
Anyway, I don't think I can complain about how my life went…well, maybe I can. In fact, I think I will. Let's start at when I was thirty, because that's where it all went wrong. You see, I'd been successful, a businesswoman, in fact, who made hundreds of thousands of dollars. Sure, that may not sound like much to you, but back then, you could say it was a lot. But then, after the stock market crashed for the third time in history, I lost everything, including my husband, who apparently was a greedy little golddigger and left because I no longer had money.
Money wasn't an issue when I was successful, you know…I was pretty well-off until the stock market crashed for the third time in history…now hold on, this seems vaguely familiar…oh my, I've gone repeating things again. I bet that madness is from the voodoo dolls that my own grandmother gave to me before she croaked; rather, before her spirit went to uh, a “better” place. She told me that I should pick up in her footsteps with those dolls when things went wrong, or I would live the rest of my years in a horrible torrent of pain, and if I told anyone that she had said this, I would never have my soul “redeemed.” It is a little late for that though, and now everybody knows her creepy little secret. Boo hoo for my soul.
Now voodoo is a hobby of mine, which might have something to do with why I've never had a biological child or another husband. I adopted two children after my hard days began, to ease my loneliness; my son, Johnny Winston, had some kind of strange head thing after falling from a tree branch at the age of 9...maybe I've dropped him on his head a few times as well, that may have complicated matters. Or maybe he caught it from one of his little friends at school; an old mind can't really say or care. He had a hard life; he had no friends to speak of because of his…”gift,” got fired from his job as a fry cook after trying to drown a man in hot grease that told him he wasn't “special”…in fact, the only thing that could've made things worse for him is if he had been on Average Joe 15. Oh wait…he was.
My adopted daughter Sally Mayer had a life slightly better…that is, until she watched “Doomraider,” and wanted to be just like Angelina Jolie's little adopted spawns, who continued playing the role of the main character once she got old, like me. Sally thought it would be alright to bring a taser gun to the mall with her, and she got arrested for threatening the mall security until he revealed the location of the Hidden Chamber. Apparently, the Hidden Chamber is a correctional facility, which she found out a few hours later when the police brought her there to receive help for her warped views of reality. She calls me every now and then, and updates me on the spy missions that she's successfully completed.
I hope to goodness that I was never like either of them; as I remember though, I was a pretty normal child for the most part…if you skil the whole bringing paper dolls to the 3 rd grade as my “special friends,” and if you try to glance past my overall “creativity.” But what can be expected of a girl who grew up in… Bailey? Perhaps you've never heard of this town…it was destroyed in 2035 after every one of its inhabitants finally escaped…er, left. Now it's just a little crater somewhere in Colorado. But, you've probably never heard of that either, because the U.S. and its states were renamed after it added all of Central America to the landmass, as a result of the Great Potato War. I was a veteran in that war…flinging potatoes was my life. Sally didn't want her mid-life mother going into war, but she was in a loony bin…and Johnny didn't really know what was going on, so I left to the border between the United States and what was once Mexico (now renamed South Texas).
