So this friend of mine after weeks, perhaps months of trying, finally convinced me to go on a blind date with this guy she knows. Since I have had two other nearly disastrous dates this week, I thought it couldn't hurt me any to try one more.
From the beginning this was a mistake in the making. First there was the initial miscommunication via e-mail which gave him a decidedly slanted view of me that is so rather awkward in itself that I will not repeat it here. Then after several successful and promising e-mails suddenly all of my e-mails to him just kept disappearing. I'd send them, but he wasn't receiving them and kept sending me these "why aren't you responding" messages. I should have taken that as a sign to get out while there was still time.
He took me for greasy "Chinese" food, which I know we Americans love, but really, I've had Chinese food, and this wasn't it. Not, that I hold that against him...honestly, I wouldn't have cared if he took me to McDonalds. A date is about the company, not the food. Anyway, after spending too long hemming and hawing over what to order, I was forced to choose what we'd eat because he seemed incapable of making a decision on the matter. ugh.
Next, came the uncomfortable conversation about the differences in our faiths. He being Jewish, and myself Christian. I was somehow immediately put on the defensive that all Christians do not hate all Jews. He demanded to know whether I believe that the Jews killed Christ and don't I realize that the Pope himself absolved the Jews of all guilt five years ago. Do I believe the old way or the new way, and don't I secretly hate Jews??? NO, I do not secretly or otherwise hate Jewish people or any other people for that matter. We Christians are not all Mel Gibson! This in itself brought us down another road better left untread on why I'm not Catholic. ugh.
Then, in classic style he ran down the litany of mistakes his ex made. He went on and on about everything she had done to hurt him; how it is real ugly now and that there are lawyers involved. How is it that people still don't know not to do this on a first date????
Thereupon, we entered the interview stage. This is the part where typically you ask each other all the usual, questions about work, pets, hobbies, likes, dislikes etc... This part went okay, and he even managed a chuckle out of me with his rendition of a scene from Pretty Woman. That is until the interview wrap-up. As if I had a job to offer, he began to "sell" himself in a rambling, often repetitive monologue of all his skills. He would after all, make the greatest boyfriend I could possibly ever have because he was the total package. He described in great detail what that meant and even compared himself to imaginary exes of mine that he was sure were incomplete packages.
Through all of this his eyes never strayed from mine. Never. I mean complete, direct, unwavering. It was creepy. He did explain that it had something to do with his training in working with children who were burn victims. How the habit stuck with him. The story was touching, but it didn't make it any less creepy. Self-consciously, I began wondering if I was so ugly that he would only dare to look me in the eyes the way you only dare to look a burn victim in the eyes, fearful of them seeing you gaze anywhere else. I might have believed this if it weren't for him telling me numerous times how beautiful I am. One time, maybe even two times and it would have been flattering. The number of times he said it...again creepy. And so, I could not believe that either.
At this point, he was still rambling about how romantic he is and what a great husband he'll make for me and I am looking for the exit. The waiter keeps coming by to refill my water and I am desperately trying to mentally communicate to him to bring the check. The waiter is apparently lacking in ESP skills because he does nothing to speed this up for me. I didn't want it to be so obvious that I wanted to leave as to actually ask for it in front of my clueless date. Still, if I could speak Mandarin, I would have turned down the water refill and said, "get me out of here"...all the while indicating to my date that I had simply refused the refill on water.
