Do you ever wonder if your man is cheating on you or is still sweet? Worry no more! Instead of hiring expensive (and sometimes rather smelly) Private Investigators, follow this simple guide to discover whether your man is a low down dog or still a faithful Fido.
We present to you here a variety of signs which may - or may not - indicate your man is putting it where it doesn't belong. Simply award points for each sign and add them up. Follow the quick-and-easy points system below and add them up as you go along. The results section at the end of this page will then inform you whether your suspicions are well-founded or you are simply a crazy, delusional mad woman.
There is also a short section at the end which makes suggestions about what to do with the money you saved by not hiring those PIs. This will, of course, depend on the results!
First of all, the points system.
So, for each of the signs you will be given, you must award yourself either none, one, two or three points. Adding them up will give you the end result which will prove - absolutely and with no element of doubt - whether or not your man is cheating on you. So, ready? Let's go!
Have you noticed recently that your guy is spending less and less time with you? Do you get that inevitable call at around five in the afternoon and the message that he must, again, spend more time at work? That pesky manager of his has called yet another meeting. Those deadlines keep getting tougher all the time.
This may of course be the truth. However, less time with you is more time with someone else. Are you sure it is with his manager? And if so, is her name Felicity? Is she twenty five? Does she look like a young Jessica Rabbit? Worry, girl.
Have you noticed any change in the way he looks? Is he spending more time in the bathroom (without those magazines)? Has he started talking about L'Oreal in its proper context, when previously he thought it was a small town in France? What about his clothing? How many new shirts has he bought recently - that is, gone in to a shop and bought for himself rather than casually thanking you for buying them for him? Has he changed his hairstyle, or worse, has he begun to color his hair to hide that little bit of grey you thought was so cute?
Perhaps he has decided to brush up on his image. Thinking back to his manager: when you realized, with some relief, that he is managed by a man, did you recall ever meeting the manager's partner at the company bash? And was he called Gerald? If so, worry, girl. Some worms do indeed turn.
Has he changed the car recently? Has he gone from that safe, middle of the road mode of vehicular transport to a new flash Saab or Subaru? If not, then closely inspect the car for those subtle signs. Has the passenger seat been moved back to make room for legs impossibly longer than your own? Is there a stray long blond hair which can't possibly be yours because he like yours short? Check the radio - is the channel the one he loves to listen to (Queen, Iron Maiden and so on) or do you get Whitney Houston with “I Will Love You” when you turn it on? This could indicate the presence of either Gerald or Felicity so check the glove compartment. If it is spotlessly tidy, he thinks he is being clever. Remember, men only tidy for a good reason.
Of course, perhaps he gave an old gentleman who owns a long haired Labrador a lift back from the Mall (where he had been buying another new shirt). Perhaps his musical tastes have changed and hell is about to freeze over. Or perhaps he was simply trying to find his portable razor (in that attempt to brush up his appearance) and decided to clean up the glove compartment while he was at it. If not then worry, girl.
Have you noticed that when you go to hug him he shies away and folds his arms? This is surely a sign that he has wandered. Then, when you finish watching that old Patrick Swayze film and go to the den to get a little action, do you find him way too busy on his laptop to give you any attention? When you are out shopping and you put your hand in his, does he suddenly find something urgent that needs to be done with it, like take a new shirt off a rack and stare at it thoughtfully? When you look meaningfully in to his eyes with that unspoken suggestion do you get a similar look to the one that rabbit gave you when you caught it in your headlights last week? If so, worry, girl!
