“Kryatyve” spelling is popular these days. Parents are trying to find the most complicated way to spell otherwise perfectly innocuous baby names. You don't have to look any further than TV shows like Big Brother or Survivor to realise there's no such thing as a plain Jane anymore, because now she spells it Jaynye.
More and more parents seem to think they have won the right to invent their own names simply by getting pregnant. I have something to tell you. You're not the God of Names, you're a mum or a dad and your first priority should be to give your child a name they can wear with pride.
Here's why some of you should not be in charge of naming your children.
Those Names Are Trendy
Yes it does seem to be an unfortunate fashion (much like the Disco era of the 70s) and that's one very good reason not to join in the madness. In 60 years time there'll be all these grandparents getting around with very silly and very out-of-date names that they're grandchildren will secretly make fun of behind their backs.
But They're Fun Names
Exactly. They're not unique or interesting, they are outright amusing (you think they're fun, we think they're hilarious). It won't just be the grandkids laughing in 60 years time.
People are already laughing, snickering behind the water cooler at work, laughing at you simply because you are so unfortunate to have been given such a horrible name.
Quite frankly, other than people who also give their kids stupid names, everyone else thinks they're … well stupid.
Adding -elle or -ette Does Not Make It Feminine
If you name your child “Rob-elle” or “Tom-ette” it very obviously shows that you really wanted a boy, had not even considered the possibility of a girl, and you were really disappointed when a girl fell out.
Some people don't even bother trying. I've met girls name “Ryan” and “Shane”. Didn't anyone tell their parents those are boys' names?
But Plain-Old “Jack” is Boring
Maybe it is, so don't give your child a name that hinges on a boring family name. There are an infinite number of different cultures and languages out there (maybe not infinite, but in your tiny little world …) Choose an interesting name with unique origins if you really must.
No one ever said you have to name your child after your grandfather's first hunting Spaniel. Lose the family ties and you lose the boring over-used kids names. Do you really want to offload old family baggage on your child, anyway?
It's a Sub-Culture, Biyatch!
Yes nothing screams Socio-Economic status like a daft name. Look around you, how many successful wealthy people have weird names (other than high-class hookers and porn stars)?
Sure, Paris Hilton has a silly name but at least it's not spelt “Paryz”.
