The Top Five Reasons Why Women Leave Men

1. Lazy, Idle, Layabouts, Waste of Space

   Eight out of the twenty women interviewed cited this reason for leaving partners. Idle men, referred to as “coach potatoes” and “settee slobs” should be abandoned immediately they become idle. Six of the twenty interviewed had left men because the men were idle. The respondents complained that they would never have lived with these men in the first place if they'd known they were “lazy layabouts”, “good-for-nothings” and “total wastes of space”. All reported that their partners were normally active in the period of their relationships leading up to cohabitation or marriage. After the cohabitation their partners gradually declined. They complained that these men became “sitters in front of the television”, “sipped from 2 litre plastic bottles of Coca-Cola”, “belched and farted”, “became less and less attractive” and “an ever increasing burden”. “They made the place look messy” and it was “great to dump them”.

2. Disgusting Habits

   Five out of the twenty interviewed cited “disgusting habits” as a reason to leave partners. To “belching, farting, sipping from 2 litre plastic bottles” were added “picking” (of all sorts), “leaving toe nail parings on the bedroom floor” and “crotch scratching”. Again, those who complained of this type of “disgusting” behaviour reported that these partners had not exhibited this behaviour up until the beginning of cohabitation or marriage. There was some agreement that these habits first materialised after six months and became worse thereinafter.

3. Just Plain Nastiness

   Two women cited this as the reason they had left partners in the past. Wilma agreed that she would not publish any details of this nasty behaviour. However, both women did want it known that they believed that this completely unacceptable behaviour was the result of “male inadequacy”. Also that although removing themselves from their miserable lives was very difficult, once they did, the sense of relief and the pure joy they experienced was “incredible”, “fantastic” and “completely remarkable”.

4. Totally Embarrassing Men

   Two of the women had divorced their partners because they were “embarrassing idiots” but, even after being plied with drinks, declined to add anything further to Wilma Proops' unscientific survey.

5. Go Away Smelly Men

   Three respondents returned smelliness and poor hygiene as the top reason for leaving partners. “Underpants with skid marks”, “snot rags on the bedside cabinet”, “un-flushed logs” “pools of pee” and “the constant smell of ripe and old body odour” were all given as examples by one poor unfortunate woman who was ashamed to admit that he left her. “Love is blind and it has no sense of smell” quipped Wilma Proops (hostess, interviewer, conductor and formulator of this survey).

Conclusion

Of the twenty women who took part in this drink-plied survey 14 reported that they were now happily settled with men who displayed none of the traits outlined above. Unfortunately, three of the twenty recognised that they themselves were now displaying traits similar to those they left their ex-partners for. They resolved (with Wilma's help) to stop doing so. Six of the women had been put off men for life and are committed to remaining single. Only one had embraced lesbianism although two had tried it and found their women partners were very similar to their men