Earlier today in a dramatic message the Heavenly Father announced that He utterly rejects the statements made by “Reverend” John Hagee that are derogatory to people who don't believe as he does. After hearing the tripe coming out of Hagee's mouth the Heavenly Father made an announcement through Metatron in Heaven and also through Alan Rickman on Earth:
“John Hagee is a douchebag and the Heavenly Father utterly rejects all of his comments regarding Jews, Catholics and Hitler. The Heavenly Father said today, “I am the Lord God of Hosts and I forgive everyone of anything as my mercy knows no limits, but Hagee is REALLY pushing it. By the way, if anybody sees Jeremiah Wright they might want to let him know that I'm not really “down” with having my Name used to damn nations. It's really kind of passé. We're past that kind of thing, We quit doing that in the OT. I'm a kinder, gentler God now.”
Hagee could not be reached immediately for comment. However, Saint Peter spoke on the record about Hagee with this reporter.
St. de Sales: “Good morning, Pete. Have you heard the statement from the Father about the “Reverend” John Hagee?”
St. Peter: “Hey, good morning, Frank. Yeah, I heard about it and as a Jew, I've gotta say I'm pretty pleased. I was starting to get sick of Hagee and his entire hypocritical BS. It's about time the Big Guy did something about it.”
St. de Sales: “What about Jesus? Did you hear anything from Him on this issue?”
St. Peter: “Ah, you know how He is. Forgive this, forgive that, turn the other cheek, blah, blah, blah. Sooner or later you've got to stand up and be counted one way or the other and we both know the Big Guy is all about that. Jesus, on the other hand… Well, heck, He even fixed that guy's ear I cut off in the Garden. He's just a softie.”
St. de Sales: “And Lucifer?”
St. Peter: “You know, funny story. This all came to light because Lucifer called us and said that Hitler was raising holy Heaven in Hell about being used like this by Hagee. Hitler said he went after the Jews because he was crazy evil. It had nothing to do with God at all. Sure, he said he was a Catholic, but that was all about power on Earth not about belief. And since Hitler is one of the Hounds of Hell, Lucifer was getting sick of the bitching and baying all the time, so He wanted God to do something about Hagee.”
St. de Sales: “There are other preachers out there who profess to believe the Word who speak a lot like Hagee. Do you think the Father is going to reject their comments in a written statement as well?”
St. Peter: “Well, the Big Guy doesn't talk to the humans much anymore, because most of them are way into religion and not at all into what He was trying to show them by sending Jesus down to Earth. To be honest, I just don't know. Who knows the mind of God? I don't.”
St. de Sales: “Thanks with sitting down with us for a little while, we know you're a busy guy.”
St. Peter: “Don't worry about it. That's why I've got a staff. But, I've gotta run, I've got a 2:37 tee time. Bobby Jones and I are playing Nixon and Reagan. They're here on dispensation from Hell, so I better not miss it.”
