Some of Dumbest Things I Have Ever Said
The first zinger I have unashamedly used many times over. If I am ordering a pizza for delivery, I can't wait until I am asked "can I have your last name please?" so I can reply "what's wrong, don't you like your own?" Of course I laugh and they chuckle with a hint of annoyance. Or they just ignore me.
I finally stopped using this lame one liner a few years back. When I am at some restaurants and the server asks "would you like the salad bar to go with that?" I answer "that sounds good but I don't think it will fit into my car". (I hate to say it but I just snickered while I was typing that.)
Sticking with the restaurant theme here is another eye roller. When a hostess or host asks if "is there anywhere special you would like to sit?" I often say "do you have anything with an ocean view?" or I have said "yes, behind the wheel of a Corvette".
I almost got arrested one time for my stupid remarks. I was returning from a trip to Toronto, Canada back into the USA by way of Niagara Falls, USA. The nice border patrol gentlemen asked me if I had any items to declare or perhaps any fire arms and I said "what do you need?" I was quickly recanting my statement and laughing at myself while he was directing me to some officers to search my car. Under the circumstances I'm lucky they didn't give me a cavity search just because I was a smarty pants.
I have also called the help line given on the back of a shampoo product and asked them "does this shampoo normally make your testicles turn blue?"
And whenever anyone asks me if I have or want any body piercings I reply "No I am happy with the holes I was born with".
Whenever I am near or around an unhappy cranky baby and it is crying I try cheering it up by singing "all we are saying, is give peace a chance". You know what it works half the time too.
