A Plane Experience

You are a servant of the pilot's every command. He turns on the lights for the seat belt and willingly or unwillingly, you have to wear it. This is when you can look up to the sky (or the ceiling of the plane) and cry for “Help”.

Unfortunately, in spite of the loud music that you are listening to, you can always hear the threatening voice that gives you the frightening instructions on how to handle any accidents. Instead of preparing you for any disasters, it forces you to pee in your pants. The angelic figures (for guys) and those cute, clean-shaved “hotties” (for girls) in their tight, fitted uniforms are always a source of comfort and ease, but you enter your panic zone when they go seat themselves in their own comfy seats and in the midst of a hundred passengers, you are still at the mercy of God, specially when the flight takes off.

Water, drink, beer, nothing works when the tail of the plane is 30 feet in the air and the rest of its body is 70 feet high. Its on a position where if it loses control, it shall hit the ground all tilted and the plane would go right into the ground and then my dream of my family making a shrine of valuable diamonds for me would always remain a dream, since, obviously, they wont find my evaporated bones. This reminds me, have you ever heard the loud engines in a plane.

In spite of the air tight windows, you can always hear them when you are sitting in the third class passenger seat. They give you shivers and of course, a deaf ear. Some scientists have claimed that this is all because of the pressure that develops as the plane takes off. Suppositious people might believe that nonsense; bit the truth is that it is the unprofessional pilots of today that tilt the entire plane to take off rather than taking off in a straight position. Why not? All helicopters do so. Also, if you ever wonder why some people hate traveling in planes, try their food.

Take my advice, if ever you plan on dieting and avoiding food, go on a long plane journey and I guarantee you will lose 5-10 pounds at the end of it. No efforts. Simply traveling. Their juices taste like dish washing liquid and the tea is like Benadryl cough syrup, only it makes you cough and does not prevent it. If you are a breakfast lover, this is the place to be since the flights are abundant in butters and margarines, only their bread is as hard as a toast.

If you are traveling to far distances, remember, this might the common type of meal you shall receive since in the first flight according to your time zone, it's morning, but in the connecting flight, after 8 hours, it shall serve you butter and bread too because this time according to there time zone, its morning.

Something you might find it beneficial to find a seat close to the window since it shall secure you from all the falling bags and luggage when the flight flies at an angle of 90 degrees. Remember to carry a small disposable bag if you have a flying phobia. Nausea is a common occurrence specially when the old man behind you keeps farting and letting out his inner gas or the lady beside you doesn't stop drinking.

At this time, you might want to take out your disposable bag rather than use the brown paper bags available, since they might tear apart when you throw up. After all you don't want your pants to get all icky. And hey, don't forget your game boys and Nintendo's at home and even carry your DVD players. Don't expect a good response from the 6 inch TV's in front because they will hang up on you whenever the pilot has something to say to whenever its time to eat.

Trust me, you do not need a “Technology Running” mom who switches off your gadgets because its time to eat. You are not a 2 year old kid anymore, so grow up. And hey, get some sleeping pills and make some banners of, “Let Me Sleep” when you travel. Those angelic air hostess love to disturb your sleep and ask, “Would you like something to eat?” Why in the world do they ask such a question? Haven't they ever eaten the flight's food? Oh and do not forget to bring some interesting fashion magazines and your makeup. You won't ever get such an opportunity to file your nails or apply 16 different shades of lipstick.

If you are a guy, do not forget you game manuals and all the cool cheats you googled, and try them on you gadgets. You can also bring you cell phones and use them for the ideal purpose, text messaging you girl-friend or you boy-friend. When the flight is descending, ignore the dumb announcements and instructions of wearing your seat belt, because if the pilot says, ”We are 10 minutes away from our destination”, remember, it means you won't land in the next 25 minutes. So why bother wearing your seat belts now? And yes, if ever you experience severe jolts and turbulences, remember to cry and yell and say your last words.

This way, the black box will record your cries of help and if the plane does crash, and if someday the National Geographic decides to make a Nat Geo Investigation's video of it, they will definitely have an actor to act as you. That way, you might still be famous after death. Do not forget to inhale as much oxygen as you can, when the oxygen masks drop down during emergency, since you never know that the other 99 passengers might breathe in all the oxygen leaving you behind with a useless transparent mask of your face. Oh what a death that would be and the newspapers will say, “Young lad/lady took too much time to breath and hence left the world so quickly.”

Also remember to ask for cokes and drinks after you have landed safely, after all, you still have to wait at the airport and stand in long queues for immigration processes. Oh, and before and after you get on and off the flight, do not forget to go home and thank God, because after all, you couldn't possibly have survived you journey on the airplane without his help.