Despite the reputation of being cold, Brits are one of the only friendly people in the whole of Europe. If you ever visit Britain, you may find these facts useful:
The traffic comes from the right
The only hot guys in England are the van drivers, the truck drivers, the plumbers and the builders. Oh and look out for guys in sexy black suits at rush hour, coming out of their offices. (Rush hour is when everyone comes out of work and London streets resemble The Matrix).
The rush hour on the metro is a killer; you may find yourself sandwiched between someone's crotch and armpit. With a Harry Potter book under your nose. Nice.
British women will dominate you. Oh yes. So if you want you manhood and ego battered, go for it.
Bald men will shout ALL RIGHT LOVE? If they think you look good
The only time British people ever show emotion is when they are drunk or watching football. So if you want to socialise with British people, go to pubs, clubs and bars. And watch football with them.
They have a million different ways of saying drunk: hammered, shit-faced, pissed, airlocked, trashed, wankered etc…they constantly think about alcohol, talk about alcohol and dream about alcohol.
If you get on one of those red buses, make sure you DON'T sit at the back, as that's where all the "chavs" live. If you don't know what a chav is, here's a quick description: annoying teenagers in tracksuits who will play really loud trashy rap music on their phone and throw things at you.
No one gives a damn about the royal family. Despite what you may think.
British people are the most sarcastic people you'll ever meet. They really have a knack for making people feel like an idiot. Especially poor Americans.
Learn the art of small talk. When in doubt, talk about the weather. Or alcohol.
British weather is the most schizophrenic weather in the whole world. It can never make up its mind on how to best annoy you.
Brighton is the gay capital of the world.
No restaurant in England has British food. In fact, there's no such thing as British food. It's a myth.
Different areas belong to different people. Knightsbridge: Arabs, New malden: Koreans, Hounslow: Indians, Edgware: Jews, Elephant and Castle: Latinos, Hackney: Turks and Kurds…
Great article! Ive lived in london for the past three years (am originally from Belgium) and these are all really accurate descriptions of what the english are like (for the most part). It is a strange culture if you think about it. Fun to hear the American perspective anyway!
#2 by phoenix Aug 31, 2008
hehehe thanks!!! im glad u enjoyed it...but im not american, i lived in london for 7 years...im from turkey lol and u can write an even bigger article about turks!!
#3 by Adam Sep 1, 2008
Haha pretty good. Yeah the chavs are horibble, I get accused of being one sometimes :D Nice article, enjoyed it.
#4 by Layla Sep 1, 2008
Accurate, genuine and true, this article encapsulates the British Culture. Or lack of.
