How to Eat Corn on the Cob Through a Picket Fence

If you have ever been in the Southeastern part of the United States, you know that people there can sometimes speak in a different version of English. I was born and raised in Tennessee and have spent time in every state in the Southeast (having lived in a few as well) and despite this, I have occasionally experienced difficulty understanding the local dialect. I have read that a lot of the "slang" in this part or our nation has its roots in the Scottish language. Scottish people settle all around the Appalachian Mountains because (it is said) that they closely resembled the Scottish Highlands. I am sure there are many other influences as well.

This "primer" is intended to have a little fun with the "hidden" (i.e., probably not in the dictionary) language of the South and perhaps provide the unwary traveler with some insight into what the heck is being said! You will find words and phrases below that are fairly common to the Southeast but may have variations depending upon where you are travelling. I have included a brief explanation of the word or phrase (based on how I learned to use it or what I heard from others) and in most cases, an example to help you on your way to being able to communicate in "Southern Speak". In the interest of being able to understand what is written, I have spelled most words correctly and not the way only we in the South can say them.

Argue / talk with a fence post - The key here is the fence post - Obviously, it is incapable of replying (at least where I live). If you use the word "argue" with this phrase it indicates someone that is argumentative and would argue no matter what. Example: "Roy is so ornery that he would argue with a fence post." If you insert the word, "talk", you are indicating that the person likes to talk. A lot. Example: "Helen would talk with a fence post if it would listen."

Beller (See "Holler" as well) - This word in the South means to yell loudly - typically for someone. I have also seen it used when referring to animals (like cows mooing loudly). Example: "Hank! Your mom is bellerin' for you! You better get home!"

Belly washer - This is a carbonated beverage. Example: "I'm going to drink me a belly washer." Where I grew up, "drink" is pronounced as "drank".

Bled like a stuck pig - If you ever managed to cut yourself and the blood flowed freely, it was not uncommon for someone viewing your wound to say, "You are bleeding like a stuck pig."

Carry - In the South, this word can be used to refer to transporting a person (typically in a car - See "vehicle"). Example: "I had to carry my mother to the store yesterday."

Chicken with its head cut off - This refers to an animal or person that is running around frantically - sometimes with little or no apparent motive. People that own chickens would kill one of their chickens for a meal by cutting off its head with an axe or just wringing its neck. Chickens are known to run around crazily for a little while after losing their head. I have heard my father describe the practice of "wringing the neck" which is taking a live chicken by the neck and swinging it quickly around in a circle in front of you until the head comes off. This is probably where the phrase "wring someone's neck" comes from. Example: "Billy is so confused! He was running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"

Clean your clock - If someone tells you this it means they intend to do bodily harm to you. Example: "You took my belly washer and now I'm going to clean your clock!"

Clod hopper - Shoes that appear overly large on your feet - usually with very large soles. I guess the name comes from jumping over clods (see "Dirt clod").

Cow pie / cow paddy - Cow poop that has been in the sun long enough for the outside to harden slightly leaving the inside still a little soft (hence the use of the word "pie"). Popular for its use as a thrown weapon - you can imagine the effect! Example: "Bubba! If you hit me with that cow paddy, I'm going to clean your clock!"

Dadgum / dadburn - These are "polite" swear words in the South. Example: "Dadgum it! I just broke Mom's best dish!" "Dadburn it, Joe! Why did you have to go and do that!"

Dick's hat band - Used to refer to anything that is "tight" (clothing, a penny pincher, etc.). Example: "Those pants are tighter than Dick's hat band!" "Bill's wallet is tighter than Dick's hat band."

Dirt Clod - Dirt that has stuck together into roughly a palm sized "clod" that is perfect for throwing. The best ones "explode" (or at least look like it) when thrown against walls, the street or your playmates. Example: "Billy! You stop throwing those dirt clods at me!"

Duck on a June bug - This is an indication of speed (usually mixed with greed) to obtain something. Ducks like to eat June bugs and have to move pretty fast to catch them. Example: "Did you see Uncle Homer? He went for that moon pie like a duck on a June bug." Children like to catch June bugs and tie thread to one of the hind legs so you can control how far away it can fly. That's better than a helium balloon!