Curmudgeon Axel Snake
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The Taipan is the world's most venomous snake with enough poison in the gob to kill several hundred sheep. Beware of this snake's ( and all Aussie slitherers ) ability to mete revenge on unsuspecting motorists.
What the deadly critter does is, if you drive over it, it curls up around the axel of your vehicle. It has an uncanny ability to sense where passengers are located - choosing in 95% of reported cases - the front, driver axel of the car.
The Taipan will, "jump-up," onto the underside of the car and wrap itself around the axel of the wheel below your seat. Unsuspectingly, you keep driving, thinking you may have killed it when you ran over it. Don't be fooled.
As the snake is slippery, it will easily wind itself around the axel and move with the turn of the wheel. This also angers the egg-laying cold-blood. It does not mind spinning for several thousand kilometers until you stop the car for an icy sports drink and ablution stop - the vast distance helps it build natural resentment in its' desire to mete revenge in cold blood.
As you open the door, alighting from the vehicle, then it strikes. "Smack," on your ankle; pumping its' toxic venom into the bone ( Its' fangs saber bone! ). You have minutes to live; no reported survivors - as the crafty snake always strikes at remote rest stops - far away from any doctor.
How to avoid: If you see a Taipan ( or any Aussie snake ) on the road; swerve around it. Never think you have killed it by driving over it, for it's an ankle-biting axel snake, able to wrap around the underside wheel-well of the biggest of trucks, and then submit certain death to the driver.
Clawed Drop-Bears
Pure Evil
The famous Koala bear, common to Japanese tourist photos, is a smokescreen for the true nature of these deadly critters. In the 1940's Hitler developed an opiating antidote for the Koala Bear. Australian spies managed to find the recipe in the archives of the German Reich. It finally rendered this bear completely docile. Prior to this, the Koala was a vicious killer known for its' ability to take down a sturdy, fully-grown man.
The introduced antivenin worked surprisingly well on the Koala population. The tourist Koala, the one you see in joyous holiday snaps, is a far cry from the original bear, a truly deadly warmer.
However, not all Koalas received the German antidote and visitors to Australia must keep a constant vigil against the original bear. Always look up when walking under Eucalyptus trees - I try to keep my head up - as this bear is known to drop from the tree - at any time - whilst you are happily minding your beeswax.
How to avoid: They fall vertically; cling to your face and swipe with a single, clawed paw - with uncanny, "Freddie," like accuracy - eliminating either one or both eyes and seriously disfiguring you. If you are planning a trip Downunder then plan to wear a hat with two false, "eyes," on it. Clawed Drop-Bears don't attack if they feel they are being watched.
Chicken-In-A-Casket
Australians love their food. So much so they have combined the oven with the car engine. The Chicken Casket that sits in the car engine is one unique downunder invention not to be missed if travelling the highways and byways of this fabulous land. It's an enamel casket that clamps into any standard vehicle engine. It's about the size of a decent chicken and one frozen chicken is placed in it before your road trip.
It seals the chicken in nice and tight. You then clamp the casket onto the side of the engine in an accessible place. Close the bonnet and away you go. It defrosts the chicken, and then cooks it using the heat of the engine. When you have a lunch-stop, after about two hours, open the hood; oh; smell the aromas! Remove the casket and inside is the most succulent roast chicken ever.
I also add pumpkin pieces and potatoes into the casket, giving that Thanksgiving feel to the lunch. The whole experience is a culinary delight guaranteeing you won't starve on the many miles confronting you in this vast place.
If you have kids forget about your share, the children will relish the entire, roasted bird, so sweet is the meat from this unique, car-cooked dish - the Chicken-In-A-Casket.
