Top Ten Tips to Get Fat on a Cruise

1. Order more than your fair share - Thank God, there are no prices on the menu so live it up! Order two or three appetizers, chase it down with a soup and don't forget a healthy serving of vegetables or salad. Can't decide on the entrees? Take them all.
2. Say yes to everyone who offers you food - The assistant waiter will constantly ask you if you want bread, say yes. The waiter will recommend the house specialty each night, say yes. When they are done asking, add to your order any of your second and third choices.
3. Call Room Service before you turn in - Don't go to bed hungry. Order a light snack such as a steak sandwich, buffalo chicken wings or a pasta. Since delivery is free, ask them to throw in a slice of cake or a orange flan for dessert.
4. Grab a slice of pizza to go - After lunch, be sure to stop by the pizza parlour and grab a slice or better yet, the whole pizza. Don't forget the parma cheese and chili flakes.
5. After dinner, go upstairs to the buffet and check out the selection - See what you missed out by eating in the dining room. Grab a plate and fill "er up.
6. Go to every event that serves food. Once you get there, hound the server and pick one of each item that looks different.
7. If you"re going to eat, make sure you drink fluids. Go to every art auction and drink the free champagne that they give out. But don't sit in the front row because the auctioneer will sift you out after you've had too much to drink.
8. Go to every Captain event because where the Captain goes, there will be free drinks and there is no limit to the number of drinks you can have.
9. Room service is open 24 hours a day. Along with regular meal service, you can call room service for delivery in between meals.
10. The buffet upstairs in the lounge is almost always open. Make sure you go around and pick up everything that looks good. If you are getting full then just nibble.

Be sure to print this list out before you go on your next cruise. Bon Appetit!