Designed to appeal to office workers, suggesting outrageous modes of behavior.
Pick up a ringing telephone and, in a loud voice, shout, “Stop pestering me at work, Angelina Jolie. I've told you before that I don't want to come between you and Brad.” Hang up immediately.
Every afternoon, at around 3:00pm, patrol the office clapping your hands and inform everyone, “It's nap-time.” Insist on an hour's sleep for all colleagues, “…before your mummies come to collect you all…”
Issue an interdepartmental memo confirming that the CEO is not a wanted serial killer.
Every time someone says, “…at the end of the day…” make a whooping sound, and then run around the office shouting, “IT'S THE END OF THE DAY! IT'S THE END OF THE DAY!”
Bring a single rose into the office. Present the single rose to the most elderly female member of staff. After an hour, take the single rose back from the elderly member of staff and give it to the girl with the biggest chest.
Whilst conversing with a person who repeatedly uses the word “like,” loudly count each repetition of the word whilst they are talking.
In every conversation with senior management, always open with the question, “You're not trying to sell me more drugs, are you?”
Insist on group hugs to heighten camaraderie amongst co-workers. Particularly insist on these group hugs with colleagues of the same sex and always refer to them as “darling.”
Contact personnel and ask if your invisible friend is eligible for any corporate benefits. Insist on speaking to the head of the department for confirmation on the ruling.
Contact your line manager prior to each bathroom break and explain where you are going. On your return, contact the line manager again, confirm that everything went well, and assure the line manager that you washed your hands.
