Job Hunting

Let's face it, nobody enjoys hunting for a job. It's hard and tiresome work, and the competition out there is brutal. I thought publishing was a cutthroat business, but it is nothing compared to vying for an Administrative Assistant position here in my small town, especially during the summer when the pickings are naturally slim.

Recently, I attended a local job fair, and was I shocked! The quantity of 20 to 30-somethings out there is enough to make me want to stay at home and take up child rearing again! Getting a job today sure isn't like it was in the good old days. The rules are stricter and the competition is almost gruesome. It is downright frightful! For instance, here are some tidbits I picked up at the job fair.

When preparing for an interview, have a typed copy of your resume and a cheat sheet to use that lists your past five jobs, including previous employers' names, company mailing addresses, as well as email addresses, and telephone numbers complete with the extensions. Cell phone numbers, beepers and fax numbers are also helpful. Be prepared to give at least three professional references, as well as three personal ones. Family members don't count.

First impressions are the most important. This has never been more true than today when job hunting. Keep everything conservative. While your jewelry should be kept to a bare minimum, your clothes should not, no matter how pretty your legs are. Keep those four-inch stiletto heels at home. Don't use perfume. Your prospective employer could have allergies. Always carry a blue or black ink pen, it shows preparedness. Oftentimes you will be given an application to fill out without a pen. This is a test. Oh, and don't chew gum.

During the interview, be prepared for statements like, “Tell me a little about yourself.” Trust me, prospective employers don't appreciate that you have a 250 bowling average, or that you just redecorated your living room.

Another question they often throw out to you is, “What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?” (I once answered, “Getting both my children out of the house and on their own without killing them.”) Needless to say, I didn't get that job.

Here is another interview classic: “Why did you leave your last employment?” For Pete's sake, don't say, “Because my boss was a loud mouth, beer belly redneck who thought the only thing a woman was good for was staying at home barefoot and pregnant.” (I didn't get that job, either.)

Another thing I wasn't prepared for was with another prospective employer who asked, “Salary?” My mind began to whirl. Salary? Well, yes, a salary would be nice, after all, I have to eat.

In my many turns at pounding the pavement, I have discovered that scheduled interviews will sometimes overlap, so you get to size up your competition. Once, while waiting in a small, cramped lobby for my turn to interview, a tall, slim, beautiful, 20-something blond walked in wearing a form-fitting business suit and high heels. She looked like she had just walked off the cover of Business Woman's Weekly. Sitting down beside me, I smiled courteously and said something stupid like, “It's so nice they let us see our competition, isn't it?” She turned her big, beautiful blue eyes to me and my matronly figure and feigned a smile of her own, showing perfectly straight, white teeth, except for a bright dot of Cherry Glo lipstick on two of them. I could almost feel the gauntlet of challenge being thrown down in front of my flat, sensible shoes. Now, mind you, I am not normally a competitive person, nor am I usually a vengeful one, but job hunting can make one do things that they would not ordinarily do.

For instance, if this young woman had been a friend or coworker, I would have tactfully informed her of her lipstick stained teeth rather than see her go around all day looking like she had cherries stuck between them. But this particular day I was pretty desperate, and I figured all is fair in love and war, and job hunting. So when Ms. Young and Beautiful and I were both called in at the same time to interview with different people, I couldn't resist looking out the corner of my eye and smiling at the obvious smattering of Cherry Glo lipstick on my pretty competitor's front teeth.