To Whom it May Concern (if it concerns anyone at all),
It is with great pleasure that I inform you of my resignation with your company! During the past year with you I have learned to sacrifice my soul for the (not even all that) mighty dollar, stepping on whoever I need to along the way. Although these values seem to be an important and integral part of the business-world, and I appreciate your kindness in sharing them, I have chosen to take a more humanitarian approach to my career. I also appreciate the opportunities offered to me in company advancement, guaranteeing me with a comfortable and stable hiding place from my fears through job security, benefits, and retirement. Unfortunately, I see no use for these things in my future if I have no soul to apply them to. I do thank you for taking note of my talents and abilities, such as my industrious nature and insightful mind, and using them to improve productivity and sales through the company.
I was under the assumption that my hard-work, ethics, and good intentions would still count as good no matter whom I gave them to, but thank you for reminding me that a business and still a business, even beneath a good cover. Thank you for showing me the importance of my individuality, perspective, and talents by taking them away from me. Now that I have them back, I look forward to beginning a new career where my gifts to humanity are the reason I am hired, not my ability to put on a facade as the perfect job candidate. Good luck in your search for another hard-working bee to fill my position as full-time life waster. It shouldn't be too difficult, there are plenty of prospects out there, you will just have to make sure you move fast and get to them before they realize that they too can use their unique gifts for something better than just business.
Sincerely,
Myself
