Having had a number of years in the retail sector, I am fully aware that one of the biggest challenges facing any employee is the customers and their annoying habits!
So, here are few easy tips on tackling this challenge and brightening up your working day:
For the Customer who Deems it Necessary to Throw Their Payment All Over the Counter at you:
The easy answer here is, not to react immediately; calmly retrieve their money from the counter, select the change required from the till and throw it, preferably in a spraying motion, across as much of the store as possible. Then follow this by shouting, at the top of your voice, "Fetch it" (if there's a tanoi system available use this of course!)
N/B: This will achieve maximum effect in a long queue of shoppers.
For the Customer Who Demands That you Pack Their Bag for Them:
Calmly explain that this is impossible due the fact that you broke your fingers in a serious 'bag packing' accident the previous week!!
N/B: it is important to remember here that the rest of the transaction must be performed one handed for maximum effect!
For the Customer Who Moans About That 4/5 Pence Price Increase:
Nip this in the bud by politely explaining that, price changes are an ongoing policy in-store to further increase the variety of their shopping experience!
For the Customer who Insists on Arriving Just as you are Closing the Shop:
Calmly and deliberately raise the reverse, 'peace sign', using the index and forefinger of your left hand, turn about face, and carry on the closure of the premises!
N/B - please make sure the door is actually locked before doing this for your own safety!
For the Tourist Customer who is After Directions From you:
Gladly provide a set of comprehensive directions as clearly and concisely as possible and -totally in the opposite direction!!!
N/B - If said customer later returns in an agitated state; laugh it off and send them to the nearest Tourist Information Desk. If this is now closed, due to the length of their previous detour, well, they'll just have to make their intended journey the following day!
For the Customer who Enters the Store With that Obvious, "I'm going to complain" Look on Their Face:
Quickly and efficiently remove yourself from the situation by explaining to your nearest colleague that; 'the chicken madras you had from Tandoori Nights last night', was, 'particularly hot', therefore you must go and, 'drop the kids off' immediately!
N/B - Quickly retire to the staff area walking as if clenching your buttocks for maximum believability!
For the Customer who Consistently Moans That a Particular Product is not Available:
The easiest way to deal with this sort is by simply ignoring them! However, if they persist, then I advise you to display an 'enhanced digital image' of the product in the gap where it should be, whilst at the same time putting the caption, 'look what you could've had!' This should make the individual feel slightly better about not actually being able to buy it.
N/B - Perhaps best to block out any Brand names here to keep on the right side of the Advertising Standards Agency.
I hope this gives you a few general pointers in dealing with those awkward swines out there intent on ruining your day; if any further information is required then please write to: 'P45's Are Us, Disciplinary House, Tribunal Way, Benefits Town, Cornwall.
Happy serving!
