“You haven’t seen anything yet; wait until you catch a jerk-off.”
“Erm actually Amy... I have,” was, unfortunately, my response.
Me and Amy (a staff nurse and one of my co-workers that I can talk to like a normal person) had been discussing the amount of faeces that had featured during the day and after stating I’d seen enough for a lifetime that little exchange occurred. The week before I’d been on a day shift (twelve and half hours) without her and we’d had a rather large gentleman with mild gastro pain. He was quite the oddity because other than being psychologically and legally sane, he wore the clothes of a lunatic. A purple cowboy hat, bright red trousers, a leopard print waistcoat and a yellow t-shirt were central to his attire though he had bought in with him an entire wardrobe of other accessories (a fake snake he wrapped around his neck for example). Upon being two hours late to return to the ward after going out to the shops with a mate he had returned with a daffodil for each and every nurse... including myself. He also periodically gave out postcards with messages regarding Valentine’s Day and wishing for a good Chinese new year. And this is the guy who scarred my eyeballs.
At 8pm visitors are supposed to leave so I went round to each room and bed asking politely for friends and family to piss off and arriving at this gentleman’s bed the curtains are closed. Thinking nothing of it as this is often the case I opened the curtains. Before me lying on his back in bed was an approximately 75 year old male, with a rather large gut, which he was reaching around in order to vigorously... tug on the purple, one-eyed demon lizard. Now I couldn’t see his phallus but his arm was gesticulating in the most fervent manner and with his eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed he had the look of a man deeply engrossed in his work and concentrating at the task at hand... spanking his pink little monkey. Luckily with his eyes closed he didn’t see me as I was too shocked and speechless to speak. I just closed the curtains and walked to the nurse’s desk.
Then when asked why my eyes were wide and mouth fixed open with a slight expression of a molested adolescent I recounted the story, noting ‘I thought only 15 year olds and their mothers had to go through this kind of stuff.’ I think at that point I adopted the fetal position, began sucking my thumb and cried for my mummy.
However Amy decided to tell me a few more stories that far outstripped my petty encounter with this masturbator.
