Dear John,
I am writing this letter in regards to your inquiry on the position that just opened up in our place of business. I know that the usual procedure is to hire and promote within our company, however we have been watching the way you handle your job duties and have noticed the following:
- You always follow all safety pre-cautions.
- You are never late to work.
- You follow all instructions that have been given to you.
- You definitely know exactly what you are doing.
- You wear the proper attire.
- You have a more than satisfactory work attitude.
- You are very responsible.
- You are very respectable.
- You have all your "ducks in a row!"
Due to the excellent way you do your job, we will no longer be needing you. We only hire employees who NEED our help. When we no longer feel needed, we no longer need you! Therefore you are not going to get the promotion you worked extremely hard for, maybe if you had been a little more lazy and laid back, you would be making more money! Instead you had to show you're a** and now you are fired!
Sincerely,
Mr. Bigg N. Lazzzy
