I've read a lot of "You know you're Pinoy if...", "You know you're Ilocano if...", so I thought of this version, my own loony one. Peace, people!
You keep on hesitating to buy things coz you can't stop converting $ to Pesos.
You are surprised no security guard armed with pistol and baton is frisking you or checking your handbag before you enter the malls or department stores.
You're amazed you can return an item you bought within 10 days or more, and get refunded without Qs asked.
You suddenly become health-and-weight-conscious (psychosomatic) because everyone around's just sick and drug-dependent.
You don't wanna get sick coz of the pricy doctor's fees and prescription meds which you can just buy over-the-counter back in the Philippines (i.e. antibiotics, bcp, etc)
Obesity and depression problems are the top health problems.
You feel like every ache you feel is a symptom of worst health conditions because amazingly they got a name for every little pain or disorder (i.e. RLS, bipolar, ADD, etc).
You can't find a vulcanizing shop along the highway.
You pay for air in your tire.
You learn about
DWA (Driving While Asian, a.k.a. making dangerous maneuvers),
DWW (Driving While White, a.k.a. don't know how to use turn signals), and
DWB (Driving While Black, a.k.a. driving with ear-wax repellant boom-boom box)
You suddenly become disciplined not throwing your trash along the way out your car window coz you're afraid of the $1000 penalty if you do.
You can't find spaghetti at any McDonalds.
Sarah Lee is not any feminine undies but bread and pastries.
You miss the unfrozen, unpackaged, fresh-jumping-and-alive fish in the market.
You miss the unfrozen, unpackaged, freshly butchered, just-out-of-slaughter house meat.
You dread getting old knowing you'll be placed in a home for the old farts.
Your 4 y.o. kid threatens you to call 911 when you try to enforce discipline.
You become wary of sex predators living in your neighborhood, and the infamous gangs and serial killers who you thought were just TV or movie characters before.
You wish your relatives back in Pinas stop thinking you're already rich just because you're earning $$.
Most commercials you see on TV are either weird or stupid.
Political correctness is strictly and absurdly observed.
Sarcasm is most people's middle name.
Weird-dressed people are all around.
Your hair is long and you can't/won't go for a ridiculously high-priced haircut.
Bank tellers and grocery cashiers don't sit, which makes you realize employers in Pinas are kinder (naks!).
It's the borrower being scared not to be able to pay their loan and not the (predatory) lender scared not to be able to collect
You'd sweat before you find items made in the U.S. for pasalubong.
You miss isaw, adidas, balut, banana-cue, and pisbol.
Your tongue is already twisted producing the long A, O, and E so they'd understand your english.
You miss conversing in tagalog or ilocano (or in any of our oh-so-many dialects) on a daily basis.
You miss commuting.
You can't afford a helper, a nanny, or a labandera.
You become self-reliant coz everything's DIY.
You can't believe they play movies for 2 months or more, while back in your so called third-world-country, they change picture every week.
