A Native American boy asked his dad how their people make names. His dad explains, “After birth, son, the parents walk out side and names the child the first thing they see.” “Oh I see dad” the boy says glumly. The father asks “what's wrong "Two Dogs Fucking"?”
A farmer was inspecting his cattle when he noticed one was cross-eyed. He calls the vet. The vet comes over inserts a glass tube into the cow's ass and blows. The eyes correct them selves and the vet hands the farmer a $485 bill. The farmer is outraged but he pays. The next week the cow is once again cross-eyed. He with his farm hand takes a piece of garden hose and tries to replicate the vet's procedure. The farmer tells his hand to watch the eyes as he blows first. After a couple tries the farmer tells the hand to give a few blows. The farm hand takes out the hose turns it around, puts it back in the cows ass, and blows. The farmer asks him why he did that and the hand said he didn't want to put his mouth on the same end of the hose.
A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks the duck what he wants. The duck asks, “Got any grapes?” the bartender tells the duck he doesn't have grapes. The next day the duck returns and again asks “Got any grapes?” and again the bartender tells the duck he doesn't have grapes. Again the next day the duck asks the same question. Finally the bartender tells the duck, that if it asks again for grapes, he will personally nail his bill to the bar. The next day the duck asks, “Got any nails?” “Nope” “got any grapes?”
Blond Jokes:
There are three mothers; a red-head, a brunette, and a blond.
- The brunette mother while cleaning her daughter's room finds a cigarette and she exclaims, “Oh no! I didn't know my daughter smokes!”
- The red-head mother while cleaning her daughter's room finds beer bottles and she exclaims, “Oh no! I didn't know my daughter drinks!”
- The blond mother while cleaning her daughter's room finds condoms and she exclaims, “Oh no! I didn't know my daughter has a dick!”
A man gets on a plane going to LA from Newark. He sits down in Row 6 on the window. A minute later a blond sits down in the seat next to him. He stares for a minute and a smile creeps across his face.
He asks the blond “do you want to play a game? I will ask you a question and if you can't answer you give me five bucks. Then you ask me a question and if I can't answer I will give you five hundred bucks. We can use any resource available; phone, computer, books, ect.” The blond nods in agreement.
He asks first, “what is the principle of Newton's Theory?” The blond stares at the seat in front of her for a minute and then hands over five dollars.
Then she asks, “What goes uphill on three legs and comes down on two?” The man was stumped: he ponders for half an hour, searches the internet for an hour, and calls all his buddies.
Finally after landing he hands her five hundred dollars and asks, “What was the answer?” She hands him five bucks.
Blond walks into a barber shop. The haircutter sits her down and asks her to remove her head phones. The blond tells her to cut around them. The puzzled hairdresser complies with the strange request.
A month later the blond returns with her headphones. Her hair wasn't pretty but it didn't look too bad. The hairdresser once again is asked to cut around the headphones.
Another month and she once again returns. The "do" is really starting to look freaky. The hairdresser while trimming decides to knock the headphones off. The blond crumples up and dies. The hair dresser bends down and puts a headphone to her ear…..
“Breath in….Breath out…..Breath in…..Breath out….”
